Tag Archives: nlp

How to Read Someone Like a Book

Body language can never lie; words and statements, however, can.  Learning to calibrate increases your ability to know what a person is feeling.  This becomes extremely potent when trying to eliminate confusion in communication and also to avoid getting deluded with words.

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), State Calibration are just “indicators” of a person’s state. When the red light is on the oven, it mean it’s heating up.  When you’ve calibrated a person, you can know that a specific person a brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched means they’re perplexed.  Therefore the “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched” state is like the red light on the oven; both the red oven light and the furrowed brow, squint, and hunch serve as indicators for what’s going on “inside”.

How Do You Calibrate a State?

When you see a person having a unique body posture, or movement, you ask them what they feel, and if they respond, you’ll know that that specific external body language, posture, breathing, and the like corresponds to their state!  ANY time you see them with “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched, ask them what they’re feeling.  If they respond, you’ve just successfully calibrated their state!  Now whenever you see that external body language, you will understand that for that person it calibrates to “perplexed”.

A green light on the oven could mean, “cleaning mode”, just as someone who’s in a state where their breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling, and you ask them what they feel they’ll say “happy” you’ve calibrated that “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” to mean happy for THEM.  So to that specific person, just as the green light means “cleaning mode”, “breathing steady, chest out, and smiling” means “feeling happy”.  Now, “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” does not mean happy for every person; just that specific person. To continue the analogy to now an absurd level of metaphor (LOL!) everyone’s “oven” is built different with different indicator lights. The oven lights are just a metaphor for “external indicator” that calibrates to an “internal state”.

So Why is This Useful?

State Calibration has millions of applications, but we can focus on two: dissolving confusion and persuasion.   Having calibrated a state is obviously clarifying because it  decreases confusion from ALL of these external states and configurations of body posture, breathing cadence, brow, voice tone, etc, because now you know, after calibrating, those are indicators of internal states. If you ask them what they’re feeling (so you don’t fall into the trap of mind reading) and they answer with a response of their internal state, you have just calibrated their external sensory indicators to their internal state! Congrats!! Successful calibration!

Persuasive Calibration

Now let’s examine the persuasive benefits of State Calibration.  Let’s say you’ve calibrated a state when you notice a person has “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet”.  What state does that calibrate to?  Well you ask them and they respond, “Interested.  I feel interested right now.” Excellent!  Now you know that whenever that person displays that “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet” external behavior, then you know they’re interested.  Why would knowing their internal state be so persuasively valuable?  Let’s say you’re offering this person a sale and he suddenly pops into his “interested state” but SAYS “The price is too high; I don’t have my heart set on the product.”  If you hadn’t calibrated, you might have sold the product to him for a lower price.  However, the calibration master would demand the sale as is or even increase the price!  Why?  Because the person who has calibrated already knows that this person is clearly interested.

Additionally, you can know when you’ve successfully put someone into a state.  What if you’ve calibrated a woman to “aroused” or a prospective client to “attentive and eager”.  You know when your communication is successful because you have those calibration “lights” that flick on revealing to you that your communication is effective!  All the best communicators and the most persuasive people utilize state calibration because everyone needs “checks and indicators” for if what they’re communicating is working or not!  You need feedback for what and how you communicate and all the lights start flashing and you can learn to read a person “like an oven” 😉 with effective state calibration!

About the Author: John Thomas Kooz also blogs on Validate Life

Using Quick Persuasion to Sell Your Ideas and Close Deals

Whether you have a sales, marketing, or executive job, your underline task is always to sell yourself,  ideas, products, or services to other people. Selling to people requires you to convey your point of view in efforts for someone to agree with you and take the necessary action. Here are some amazing posts I have written that will allow you to persuade someone to take action  now.

  • Using Tie downs– Ties downs are sentences that you use after particular states you make to bring more interaction in your conversation.
  • Repeat & Approve -This technique allows your client to subconsciously understand and believe you are giving them your undivided attention.
  • Create Awareness – You can easily create awareness in a conversation with a client which will not only give you their attention, but it will also allow you to create and lead the conversation in any direction you want.
  • Irresistible Persuasion – Learn how you can understand how a client makes a decision so you can customize your pitch and responses to their objections.
  • Future Pacing – This brilliant technique helps you handle objections that your client may create by talking to someone else which allows your client to keep their commitment.
  • Pain & Pleasure – Everyone on this planet either moves away from pain or goes toward pleasure. Discovering how you should handle each person will help you create rapport and motivate them to take action.
  • Embedded Commands – Simple and easy embedded command strategies to make your clients take action when it is time to do so.
  • Has There Ever Been a Time When – This language pattern has the power to make your client feel a certain way to motivate them into instant action

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Gets Going

The DonaldDonald Trump told a story about himself to his daughter Ivanka in the backseat of a limo driving in New York City. They were halted to a red light and saw a bum pan handling for money.  Donald turned to his daughter and told her that the bum sitting on the curb actually has a higher net worth than he does.  His daughter was confused and questioned Donald on what he meant. Donald explained that after a series of unfortunate events, he was Continue reading

Get People to Tell You Yes!

Embedded CommandsBeing persuasive is key for anyone to be successful in life. Whether you are selling a product, a service, or yourself, you are essentially getting prospects to buy. Sometimes, it can be easy, but most of the time, it requires skill and work to get someone to SAY YES. We are cognitive beings that are pre-wired to do things a certain way. People are not born successful, they are built to be that way. Words are extremely powerful because what you say shapes everything people understand from you. Obviously, what you say will determine which Continue reading

Condition Yourself for Success

Condition Yourself for SuccessAs a child I was quiet and would keep to myself  because of this I was perceived as being submissive and shy,  I continued to be  this way thru ought my teenage years  up until I took part in the personal development industry.  What’s interesting is how I developed to be that way.  Because I was an introvert person my parents and family members referred to me as being shy. They, like most people, were not aware of the Continue reading

Revolutionizing the Way We Learn

VAKAs teenagers (Jr. High – College), we learn and pick up information much faster than we do as adults (after college). We process information mainly through 3 of our 5 senses: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic. Everyone is more dominate in one than the other…including teachers. The way they teach is the same way they process information, i.e. if they are visual, than they will teach all of their students in a visual format. So in a classroom of 30 students, since 1 in 3 students are more visual than the other senses, only 10 students are Continue reading

How to Win an Argument

ArgumentsThe ultimate goal for an argument is not to have a contest to see who can yell the loudest, it’s about having the other person(s) believe and agree on your point of view.  Being a powerful communicator means that you must be able to Continue reading

Food is the New Weather

Coversation TopicsMany people have a hard time having a conversation with people that they DON’T know. In many cases, it’s because they are unsure of what to talk about. I was surprisingly very shy as a child and throughout my teen years.  Having conversations with complete strangers practically caused me to cringe!

Throughout my years of studying human behavior, I’ve trained myself with the ability to converse with no fear. Having exceptional conversational skills is a necessity if you plan on being a Continue reading

Create a Goal – Make it Work

do goals work

Has there ever been a time when you decided to write down your goals and then never looked at them again?

Why do you think that is? Beside the fact that only 50% of the world are motivated by goals, most people are simply too lazy, careless, or just forget.
The only way that goals can work are by doing one thing: Continue reading

Selling Yourself

Selling YourselfVirtually everyone who is successful in life all share one trait: powerful communication. This level of communication is not just with the people around them, it starts within oneself. Knowingly believing in yourself by having:

  • the confidence
  • the self-assurance
  • the charisma

When you learn the points above, you will begin to Continue reading