Category Archives: Techniques

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire: How to Catch a Liar

Lying. I believe that if people could learn one communication skill they would want to know how to instantly tell whether somebody is lying or not. And funny enough, most people also want that one magic thing that is going to immediately let them know that somebody is lying, the same way people want the one magic line that will get them any girl, the one magic line that will get them anyjob…and the list goes on.

I would like to emphasize once and for all that if this was the case…if there was one line that would get you any job, there would be no such thing as the unemployed. But in today’s economy we see that it’s obviously not true.

However, my dearest friends, while there is no one way to tell whether somebody is lying, there are many indications that we are going to learn about in this article and when you put everything together, you can become a human lie detector! So with that said, lets jump right into it!

Establishing a Baseline

With every little trick in the book people forget one very basic precept, people are different! (This is called the Hawthorn Error, forgetting that different people do different things while lying). Therefore, while most people do in fact adhere to these guidelines we shall lay down you still have to realize the differences within people.

Allow me, my ill informed comrades, to give you a great example and also, to give away one of my trade secrets. I have a unique ability to tell when a girl is taken and when she is available, and this is again based on psychology. I am about to give this secret to you, get pumped: (This works for guys also ladies, it just happens to be that whether a guy is available or not isn’t particularly a concern of mine.)

When we walk into a room we as humans automatically look for two things:

The attractive opposite sex people in the room
Danger

So that is an automatic baseline that you can apply to everyone. For instance, most people when they walk into a room:

Females:

Will primp their hair.
Smooth their dresses.

Males:

Puff out their chest.
Head for the bar. (since they are comfortable there.)

Both:

Scan the room.
Check out opposite sex attractive people.

If people are deviating from this baseline at all it means that there is are circumstances that are changing their natural behavior (ie. Psychological reasons.) So if I see a woman who is not only not doing the things I mentioned above but is also in a bad mood, I can deduce that she has had either a fight with her boyfriend or has just broken up and therefore if you try to talk to her she will bite your head off.

If she is not scanning the room looking for a mate it means she is taken and no longer has to look for a mate, so it deviates from this baseline.

So now we are going to apply this to lying! Have you ever taken a polygraph test? The second you sit down they automatically ask you something called “Control Questions”. For instance, “What’s your name?”, “Where were you born?” questions that they can verify. What happens is they monitor your vitals.

WHEN YOU LIE SEVERAL THINGS INTERNALLY HAPPEN: PUPILS DILATE, PULSE QUICKENS.

So a polygraph test basically picks up when your body deviates from the baseline that the control questions established!

(So a great way of beating a polygraph test is to put a little tack in your shoe and at the beginning when they ask you the control questions, step down on the tack- this will automatically up your pulse rate, so later when you are lying and your pulse is high, they will assume that you aren’t lying and that you are just naturally nervous! This was the trick they did in Oceans Thirteen, but it’s an old trick lol. Cool no? Now you can rob banks and get away with it. Glad I am adding something to the world.

(Another way is to learn to believe your own lies…but that’s for another article).

So now, let’s talk about how to establish a baseline for somebody’s behavior.

Professional online poker players will routinely lose the first few hands so that way they can learn when their opponent is telling the truth or not. Since them losing forces the other person to show their cards, the skilled poker player is able to tell what the person’s baseline is when he is winning, and therefore later in the day when there is a deviation from that earlier baseline, he knows that his opponent is bluffing. This is called, forcing a baseline.

So when you are speaking with somebody, ask them questions that they have no reason to lie about. For instance, “What color was your first house?” and then watch their response. Ask several questions like this and it is establishing a baseline.

Try this trick: Tell somebody to think of three thoughts, 2 of the thoughts are going to be true and the other two are going to be false.

Now have them think about thought 1, thought 2 and thought 3… here is the trick: watch the eyes. Two times the eyes are going to go in one direction (the two true facts) and a third time the eyes will go in a different direction (the lie.) This is actually a really cute parlor trick once you have gotten the hang of it.
We will discuss this a bit more when we get into Eye Accessing Cues during Lying.

Another example is if a person is shaking their leg and then stops shaking it when they start telling you something, that is a deviation from the baseline and it is a good guess that they are lying. (this is a pretty popular one by the way.)

Quick Tricks to Telling Lies

Alright, here we go. There are some very quick ways to telling when somebody is fibbing or not. (I like the word fibbing. Don’t know why, sounds more fun don’t you agree?). So yes, fibbing.

So here we go, put a lot of these together and you will become a pretty good lie detector (combined with the other articles we have on telling lies!)

1. Touching the mouth, lips, ear, or nose.

When we are children and we tell a fib, we unconsciously send our hands to cover up our mouths. Which is why when a child is lying they will clamp their hands over their mouths, they realize that something evil is coming out of their mouth and they try to stop it.

However, as we get older we learn to control our hand movements. So that’s why a teenager when they are lying will sometimes rub their lips, grownups tend to touch their nose (called The Pinocchio Effect,) tug on their ear’s etc… Actually Johnny Depp happens to have a great tell that every time he is lying he itches his ear by slightly hitting it from the back. (Picked that up when I watched an interview with him…I later found out from a friend that works with him that he had been lying in the interview.)

2. Keeping eye contact

This is an interesting one. Many people believe that when we lie we actually break eye contact. But this is simply not true. Ask somebody what color their house is and watch as their eyes flit around searching for the necessary information. But when somebody lies, they have no reason to go looking for that information within their brains and will therefore hold eye contact.

Now, I would like to point how hard telling lies is. Some people, when they are lying will have different eye movements, (which I will get into in another article called, “Lying and Eye Accessing Cues” I am very original at coming up with names for my articles). Some people, will break eye contact, other people won’t. That’s why it is so important to establish a baseline!

3. Not making facial expressions

Think of a crooked car salesman. What comes to mind? Probably a guy in a tweed jacket with a big smile on his face. The truth is that we believe that somebody with a big smile on their face is lying when really the opposite is true! When we lie, we make as little facial expressions as possible since we don’t want to give away any possible indication to the person we are talking with that we are lying.

And here is the funny part. If you are actually lying to somebody, don’t make any facial expressions! Since we make the mistake of thinking that somebody who is lying is going to put on a big smile.

4. Excessive blinking

The amount that we blink is an indication of how much stress we are under. This is why when you are tired you tend to blink a lot, and it is the same thing when you are lying. You end up blinking a lot which is an indication of higher pulse rates.

Those are some quick tips that will allow you to start being able to tell whether somebody is telling the truth or not. In later articles we will be talking about eye accessing cues, telling through language, telling whether a story is true or not, explaining concepts such as leakage, facial expressions, and microexpressions. Basically everything you need so you are never lied to again!

120 Persuasive Words That Build Rapport (VAK)

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Wouldn’t it be great if there was some sort of technique that can instantly transform your rapport building skills to the next level? Something so secret that very few people know about it or better yet know how to use it. To build rapport with someone means for you to be on the same level as them. In the same tribe. This means acting like them, talking like them, and also using the same or similar words they use.

Visual/Auditory/Kinesthetic (VAK)

Many of you reading this are probably familiar with what VAK is or maybe even generally how it works. Regardless to whether you do or not, I will teach you what words you should pay attention to as it relates to you building rapport. VAK, also referred to as representational systems are basically our senses that allow us to be engaged while discussing information, dealing with problems, thinking, or getting involved in various activities. To simplify this even more, representational systems determine how one processes information.

Most people are dominate in one particular area of VAK while a select few may be difficult to tell. Before you tell me that you’re one of the difficult ones, I’ll tell you that you’re not! Now read the rest of this post carefully to understand what I’m talking about.

Visual

For the people who are visual learners have the advantage of processing and comprehending information much quicker by literally seeing it in front of them. Obviously if their sight is their advantage, the other 2 areas are they’re disadvantages. For example, in a classroom, a visual learner would much rather prefer learning from charts, graphs, pictures, videos, or even live demonstrations rather than listening to the professor lecture the entire time. Not only would they prefer it, but they will probably retain less information with only the lecture. So for some of you parents who have kids who aren’t doing so well in school, it maybe because your kid processes information differently than how the teacher teaches it.

Words That Visuals People Use:

analyze
appear
clarity
conspicuous
dream
distinguish
envision
clarity
examine
envision
focus
foresee
horizon
idea
illusion
illustrate
Imagine
inspect
look
notice
observe
obvious
outlook
perception
picture
pinpoint
scene
scope
scrutinize
see
show
sight
sketchy
spot
survey
vague
view
vision
watch
witness

Auditory

Auditory learners on the other hand would much rather prefer hearing something. They may or may not care to whether they literally see it, but they will understand the information much better by simply listening to it. An example would be a student who would much rather just listen to the professor lecture throughout the class and take notes based upon what they hear.

Words That Auditory People Use:

announce

articulate
audible
boisterous
communicate
converse
discuss
dissonant
divulge
earshot
enunciate
gossip
hear
hush
listen
loud
mention
noise
proclaim
pronounce
remark
report
ring
roar
rumor
say
screech
shrill
shout
silence
sound
speak
speechless
squeal
state
talk
tell
tone
utter
voice

Kinesthetic

The kinesthetic learner finds the hands on experience the most effective and productive. These people would rather take part in the action and get a feel for what’s going on.

Words That Kinesthetic People Use:

active
affected
bearable
callous
charge
concrete
emotional
feel
firm
flow
foundation
grasp
grip
hanging
hassle
heated
hold
hunch
hustle
intuition
lukewarm
motion
panicky
pressure
rush
sensitive
set
shallow
shift
softly
solid
sore
stir
stress
support
tension
tied
touch
unsettled
whipped

What To Do With These 120 Words

Learning this is actually easier than it seems. The words listed above are generally the words that a visual/auditory/kinesthetic person uses. Obviously there are many more words for each category, but at least you get the idea.

Now, when you’re having a conversation with someone and you notice the person using words like “see, imagine, watch, etc.” then it is up to you to speak back to them using other visual words. The same applies if the person uses words from the auditory or kinesthetic category. If the person in front of you feels as if you are just like them, they are much more likely to be in rapport with you.

How can you use this technique today?

Everyone’s Doing It: How Generalizing Can Help You

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Almost everybody in their life has used generalized terms as a form of exaggeration to make a point. To generalize something means to create a very broad view for a particular scenario. For example, if you have kids, then I am sure you have heard the phrase, “come on…everyone’s going…” or “the test was so hard that everyone failed”. Kids purposely use generalizations as a persuasive tactic to sell you on why they should do something or why they can’t do something. It is a genius concept that most of us are already familiar with, but unfortunately not consciously aware enough to deliberately use it. Many of you tend to overlook the fact that generalizing words, phrases, concepts, and ideas can induce guilt, following others, and urgency which ultimately leads into the action you desire.

Guilt

The psychological meaning of guilt is an emotional experience one has when they feel as if they made a mistake about a decision they have made and hold themselves responsible for making it. Let’s continue with the example I used above about kids:

“Come on…everyone’s going to the party tonight…”

This generalized phrase for typical parents translates into: if everyone’s going to this party, and their kid is not, the parent is ruining their life etc. Obviously some parents are smart enough to prevent this from working ;). So for the many that are convinced by guilt to let their kids go to this party, they are victims of persuasive guilt created by generalizing a phrase.

In a business scenario, one business man can be trying to persuade someone to donate money to his charitable organization. Most people would tell the man no, they don’t have the money or whatever. The man can use a generalized phrase such a:

“Almost everyone I spoke to today has decided to contribute to this charity because they quickly realized that it is the right thing to do…shouldn’t you?”

Now I combined the usage of generalizations and a tie down to convince a prospect to donate to the charity. The business man told this prospect that almost everyone has donated money today. Now the prospect will begin to think they are being greedy considering that almost everyone this man spoke to today has donated. This puts feelings of guilt in their mind which will motivate the prospect to make the donation.

Everyone’s Doing “It”

The whole “everyone’s doing it” also correlates with people wanting to be like everyone else. Ironically, people who tell me about how different or unique they want to be from others are saying the same thing everyone else is saying.

My friend Jim runs several cell phone kiosks along the West Coast. He told me a tactic he always teaches his sales people is to create some kind of buzz around the cell phone kiosk. Maybe showing some potential customers a magic trick or just something weird. When other people passing by see a crowd forming, the naturally develop the urge to see what is going on. People want to know why other people are gathering around this kiosk. Since sales is a #’s game, this helps increases the odds of closing a deal.

Urgency

People are more likely to take action on something when there is some sort of time limitation implemented. For example, you see an infomercial on TV that says something about calling to purchase this product in the next 30 seconds and you’ll receive a free toothbrush or whatever with their company logo. You get the idea. Here is an example of how you can get someone to attend a personal development seminar by creating urgency and the other types of generalization listed above:

“Brad, you need to sign up for this event right now. Every successful person in the industry is going to be there so this event is guaranteed to sell out. You will never have this opportunity again. Your looking to be a better sales person aren’t you? Well after the event, every time you are placed in a selling situation, you will know exactly what to say and do to close a deal. Isn’t that what you want?”

Here is the break down of what I wrote above:

Every successful person is attending: If all the successful people are attending, you definitely need to be at the event, especially if you want to be considered successful 😉
…never have this opportunity again: This causes urgency because this event is so unique, it is a once in a life time opportunity. You will hate yourself so much if don’t attend.
every time you are..close the deal: This tells the prospect that they will be virtually unstoppable with all the knowledge they learn after they attend
Everybody…
Everyone…
No one…
You always…
You never…
All

Words to Use When Generalizing

As a precaution, sometimes people call you out on what you say. For example, if a kid tells their parents that “everyone is going to the party,” to which some parents will say,”who exactly is going?” This obviously weakens your argument and can damage your point. The only way to bypass this road block is to simply rephrase what you stated before, “Mary, Sue, and all the kids from school are going” and quickly change the focus of the topic to something else like, “can’t this be the last time you tell me yes?”

The last example was pretty simplified, but is necessary for you to understand. Here is a business example to go alongside of the example I used above. “Almost everyone I spoke to today has decided to contribute to this charity because they quickly realized it’s the right thing to do…shouldn’t you?” Someone might say, “how many people exactly contributed?” To which you say, “Well the majority of them told me yes because they are interested in helping the less fortunate, aren’t you?”

Some may say that this is unethical while others will say this technique is brilliant. When it comes to persuading someone to do something, I always tell people that it comes down to your intention.

Now tell me, how will you use generalizations to get people to tell you “yes”?

Interrupting Someone is Not Rude, It is Persuasive!

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Has your mom or dad ever told you as a child to never interrupt someone while they are talking? Well I hate to be the one to say this to you, but they are dead wrong! A few years ago I was introduced to a very simple yet weird communication technique. Even though this technique is so easy to use, most people would shy away from using it. Pattern Interruption is a communication technique that many master persuaders use to confuse the mind of the person they are talking to. I’m sure the first question that comes into your mind is: “Why would I want to confuse the mind of the person I’m talking to?”

Pattern Interruption

Wikipedia has a great explanation on what pattern interruption is exactly:

…a pattern interrupt is an action that changes a dynamic in a personal situation or relationship by making an unexpected change, resulting in a new, and hopefully more effective and beneficial, behavior…

Pattern interruption also blends in nicely with hypnotism and trance. This may sound funky and weird to you, but it’s actually as normal as anything else. The “pattern” is the conversation or event that is taking place at that given time. The “interruption” is the new factor that comes into the picture that temporarily takes away the focus.

To understand how this works exactly, one must know a little bit about the subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is wired to automatically look for an answer to any questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself, “Why am I so stupid,” your subconscious mind will look for an answer.

So when a person’s pattern is interrupted, their mind will begin to search for the answer to why and what is happening.

Let’s say you are convincing a client to buy your product. During your “spiel”, you decide to make ask a completely irrelevant question like, “hey did you see that show last night?” This will catch them off guard and and your rapport will force them to answer. Then you continue with your conversation. Your client will begin to ponder about why you asked that question and what it has to do with what your talking about. Now instead of them being on the defense about what you are selling them on, their attention will be divided. Now it will become easier for you to persuade, influence, or convince this person to take action because of their lack of mental defense

Types of Pattern Interruptions

Hypnotic handshake: This is handshake you could use on highly suggestive people
Tonality: dramatically change the tone of voice for a brief second or two and you’ll find your prospect in confusion.
Facial Expressions: Like the example above about making a stupid and funny face
Visual Object: Imagine a door to door sales man selling vacuums You knock on the door and the customer answers. You say, “I am James with Super Clean Vacuums, and I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’m holding a bag full of dust and lint, aren’t ya?” Usually you won’t see a door to door sales person holding a bag full of dust and lint, because is out of one’s normal pattern. This will harness the power of the customers curiosity allowing you to take an advantage as far as creating rapport.
Random Sentences/Words: Talking about one thing and then bring up a completely off topic subject. Then proceed with the original conversation.

Implementing Pattern Interruptions for Beginners

Your biggest challenge with trying the pattern interruption pattern will be about your level of comfort. Here’s the simple way to start practicing.

Educe a conversation with your prospect.
Ask a question that has nothing to do with the conversation. Make sure the question will bring your prospect to a desired state (i.e. excitement)
Continue with your conversation
close or pursue your desired action

Yes this is an overly simplified version of pattern interruption, but it will give you the basis on how pattern interruptions work.

Can you remember a time when you unknowlingly used a pattern interpution? Has anyone used it on you?

Using Quick Persuasion to Sell Your Ideas and Close Deals

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Whether you have a sales, marketing, or executive job, your underline task is always to sell yourself, ideas, products, or services to other people. Selling to people requires you to convey your point of view in efforts for someone to agree with you and take the necessary action. Here are some amazing posts I have written that will allow you to persuade someone to take action now.

Using Tie downs– Ties downs are sentences that you use after particular states you make to bring more interaction in your conversation.
Repeat & Approve -This technique allows your client to subconsciously understand and believe you are giving them your undivided attention.
Create Awareness – You can easily create awareness in a conversation with a client which will not only give you their attention, but it will also allow you to create and lead the conversation in any direction you want.
Irresistible Persuasion – Learn how you can understand how a client makes a decision so you can customize your pitch and responses to their objections.
Future Pacing – This brilliant technique helps you handle objections that your client may create by talking to someone else which allows your client to keep their commitment.
Pain & Pleasure – Everyone on this planet either moves away from pain or goes toward pleasure. Discovering how you should handle each person will help you create rapport and motivate them to take action.
Embedded Commands – Simple and easy embedded command strategies to make your clients take action when it is time to do so.
Has There Ever Been a Time When – This language pattern has the power to make your client feel a certain way to motivate them into instant action

How Using “Tie Downs” Can Make You A Persuasive Communicator

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Have you ever spoken to someone in the past who was really drawn to what you were saying? Like you were just talking and they couldn’t help but to keep nodding their head and saying words like “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “then what happened”. When you are getting eager reactions such as those from your listeners, doesn’t that give you some kind of signal that what you are saying is very interesting or compelling? Well what about the opposite? Your talking and your listener gives you little or nothing to work with. Especially if you are trying to sell this person on some kind of idea or product, and all they are doing is looking your straight in the eye with no expression. Has that ever happened to you?

Energy and Enthusiasm

Besides the technique I am about to teach you, having energy and enthusiasm when you speak makes a world of difference. Many times, it’s not what you say but how you say it. This is hard to convey through text, but let’s say you are telling someone about a party.

“Hey man, there’s a party this weekend, you should come…”

“Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!”

Practically the same words but said differently can be the difference to whether that person comes to the part or not. Now to take your communication to the next level.

Tie Downs

Tie downs are small phrases or brief sentences you use after you say something that gives opportunities of interaction to your listener.

“Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!” You love parties don’t you!?

Now when I added a tie down to this sentence, not only do you gain interaction from your listener, but the tie down you use specifically correlates with what you just said. This is actually done on purpose. The agreement can be in the form of a verbal response (“yes”, “of course”, “sure”), a head nod, or even attentive silence.

In a sales scenario:

“Bud, this tie looks great with your suit. It shows the type of professionalism that’s required to be successful in a job like yours. You want to look professional, don’t you?”

So if the client says “no”, they are saying “no” to looking professional. This is why they will most likely say “yes” to the question. By saying “yes” to this question, they are also assumed to purchase the product. The best part about this is that it gives you the leverage to handle their objection if they say “no” to your close.

Client: “no, I don’t want it…”

You: “Bud, professionalism in your job is what helps in your success, isn’t it?

Client: “Yes”

You: “Well, that’s exactly why you need to get this tie. Let me ring you up. Did you want to do cash or credit.”

Implanting an Embedded Command

Tie downs are also a way to focus attention on the question form of your statements instead of the embedded commands the statements contain.

“You can see the power of this, can’t you?”

It leaves the listener caught trying to answer the question while the suggestion/command ‘see the power’ slips into the subconscious.

A Less Aggressive Approach

Here is an example given to me by one of my readers (Andrew):

If our company could save you $300 per year on your domestic budget, how do you think that you would spend it?

Tie Downs for Bloggers

Since many of you are bloggers or people becoming bloggers, I figured I should show you the power of tie downs in Blogs. As I stated before, tie downs do not necessarily have to mean a verbal “yes”, in fact it can just be something one says internally. When you want to draw someone into a conversation, you ask them a question or something that allows them to participate.

Many bloggers naturally use questions toward the end of their blog when asking for their readers opinion on what they just wrote about or something along the lines to that. However, if they started using tie downs throughout their post, they would get more user interaction. Something as simple as a statement followed by a tied down throughout your post can help do this.

Have you ever read a long run-on statement that lost your attention? Sometimes even the best blog posts can be slightly modified with a few tie downs and make a world of difference. Tie downs give the reader subconscious cues to be ‘involved’. With the feeling of involvement comes participation. With participation, you will get more action on your blog. Whether it be products or services your selling or just getting people to click your ads, the more tie downs you use, the more active users you will begin to notice.

Have You Ever Used Excuses? 4 Ways To Stop!

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Why do you use excuses? Is it the fear of failure? Fear of success? Is it because you are lazy or just not motivated enough? What ever excuse you have for using excuses, drop em’. Excuses allow you to get away with something you are too scared to do because you feel uncomfortable. You give out excuses because you want to avoid potential embarrassment, failure, or even success.

STOP USING EXCUSES!

It is simple really, follow the steps bellow:

1. DO NOT Tell Anyone Your Excuses.

Even if an excuse pops up in your head, DO NOT repeat it out loud. The more people who know about your excuses, the more they will hold you accountable to them. As I have wrote in previous blog posts, sharing your goal with everyone is the secret to success because of the high level of accountability. Sharing your excuses is the negative version of that type of affect and will result in your mind subconsciously validating that excuse. This is similar to being sick with a small cold or flu. The more people you tell about being sick, the worse and worse you will feel. There are a number of reasons why people like to tell others they are feeling sick. One of which is the obvious excuse of getting out of situation and the other is getting some sympathy votes.

2. Handle Your Own Objection

An excuses is really an objection in your own my mind, so handle it. Question yourself if your mind tells you that you cannot do something. Always look for an answer. People who can do this go from regular to great and great to master. Take Matt Scott for example (guy from the video).

3. Like Nike says, “JUST DO IT”

This is one of the most popular slogans of all times. It does not take a rocket scientist to interpret this message…

4. Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

One of the major reasons you use excuses is because you may sometimes feel uneasy and uncomfortable. What most people do not understand is that being uncomfortable is not just a good thing, it is a GREAT thing! I personally love to be in uncomfortable situations because it gives me new experiences and most importantly, it helps me grow mentally.

Get To Work

One of the most over used and understated quotes I have ever heard while working at the Mike Ferry Organization was, “You can make money or make excuses, but you can’t do both”

What is the lamest excuse you have ever used?

Influence Someone by Creating a New Reality

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Convincing someone is a prestige art that requires powerful persuasive communication. Your thoughts mainly consist of your beliefs, emotions, and concepts. How you present yourself to others determines whether or not they listen or do what you tell them to do. This occurs within the first minute of conversation.

The Average Person

You are obviously AWARE of the conscious ways to speak to people:

Be animated
Talk about interesting information
Fluctuate your voice to avoid being monotone

However, very few people are AWARE of the subconscious ways to speak to people. Your mind consists of two parts, your subconscious and your conscious.

Conscious Mind

Your conscious mind is you being AWARE of everything going on around you during the current period of time. An example of your conscious mind at work is when you hold a telephone number in your memory long enough to make that call.

Subconscious Mind

Your subconscious mind is always working in the background. Your subconscious does things like run your body, run your emotions, and store old memories. Have you ever read about the benefits of using certain words? Or purposely shifting your body to build rapport with someone? This is because based on thousands studies on the human mind, subconsciously, people are wired to act in a pattern oriented way.

You’re obviously beginning to see the significance to communicating to someone’s subconscious mind rather than their conscious, aren’t you?

Embedded Commands:

These phrases compel you to take action or do it now. These phrases subconsciously give you a command or something to do. These are words that are sort of like ticking time bombs for the brain. They are 1-3 words that are within sentences and have a relatively powerful impact on your prospects decision making process.

For example: It seems like you clearly agreeing with what I’m telling you so let’s ACT NOW so I can help you get what you want in the time you need it…does that work for you?

This is a very simple pattern to catch on to. Keep in mind that when you say this out loud, you need to put a unique emphasis on your embedded command. Sooner or later, after much practice, you’ll begin to discover a difference on our prospect’s action. This command is very subliminal meaning that it will affect them subconsciously.

Buy it now
Do what I say
Sign here
Sign up today
Say yes
Do it now
Tell me yes
Sign the contract
Choose me
Trust me
Feel comfortable

Most people somewhat understand the concept behind embedded commands, but when it comes to using it effectively in real life conversation they fail. Why? Because as I stated earlier, your embedded commands must have a unique emphasis when said aloud. Some people tend to simply chicken out. As you begin to practice using embedded commands, use more authority and conviction in your voice as you say the commanding word. You can even add a slight pause before and after the command which is bit easier to do.

How Do You Create a New Reality?

The answer is simple. Increase their level of awareness by using the following phrases and words within your conversations which will allow the person you are communicating to pay attention to what you say.

Awareness Phrases

Listen carefully
Pay attention
Be aware
This part is important
This is where it gets interesting
Check this part out
Watch this closely

Awareness Words

Discover (ing) – Soon you’ll begin to discover new ways to make money
Achieve (ing) – After achieving success, you’ll want to learn how to go to the next level.
Start (ing) – If you start to think about what learning this will do to you, you’ll instantly become excited.
Experience (ing) – After experiencing how amazing it was to skydive, I felt as if I can do anything.
Imagine (ing) – Imagine learning these new ideas and applying them into your life.
Able to – You’ll be able to apply this into your conversation almost instantly.

These are some words you can use to influence someone to become aware of what you say. After your listeners start to experience the new level of awareness from your conversations, they’ll be more likely to do what you want or at least find you as an authoritative figure.

Yes, I understand that most people have seen these words or phrases and chances are, you have already used them in your day to day conversations. People use the language of creation all day everyday without knowing and thereby accidentally creating the response. Now that you’re aware of these words and phrases, you’ll be able to deliberately apply these tactics and create the responses whenever you want.

Versatility – Become Irresistibly Persuasive

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It’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you. I always take these words to heart because it means to give your focus and attention to someone else. Have you ever spoke to someone you didn’t know and just didn’t click? It’s not their fault, it’s yours. That is if you consider yourself to be the better communicator of course. One of the most powerful techniques I’ve ever taught myself was the ability to be able to befriend anyone I want. I don’t say that in an arrogant or egotistical way, I say it in the sense that I am very sincere and provide truth, honesty, and care for the person. My goal isn’t to befriend someone to take advantage of them, it’s to create a mutual relationship that will tremendously benefit the both of us.

Why befriend someone?

I fully agree with the saying, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. Any business requires skills to network by talking to people that you don’t know. The more people you talk to and befriend, the better chances you have withsucceeding in what ever career your pursuing.

Personality Types

These are the 4 personality types that every single person in the world falls under. You can be only one of the listed personalities, however you can be a different one when put under stress or pressure. I have a friend who is very analytical most of the time but when put under pressure he becomes a hardcore driver. I have another friend who’s very analytical and remains analytical when put under pressure.

So after you understand how you can determine what personality type someone is, you can use your skills of versatility and match the same personality type they are. For example if you are an expressive and the person your communicating with a driver, be a driver. You must understand that people like talking to people that are like themselves. By you matching their personality type, the person will begin to feel comfortable with you and will be more likely to do business with you.

Proactive people vs Reactive people

Proactive:

Takes charge, gets things done. Sees themselves as a force in the world and isn’t shy about applying that force. Takes matters into their own hands; steps up; active over passive. Usually most comfortable working independently – sales or self employed.

Words and phrases they use:

Run with it. Just do it. Go for it. Quit stalling. Get a move on.

Feelings:

A sense of ownership of an activity – they internalize the success or failure of what they have taken on. Criticizing the activity can be seen as a criticism of them. They create identity by what they do – I am a plumber; I am a postman; I am a doctor.

Reactive:

Wait for others, evaluate, tends to over-analyze. Wants to have all the facts and details. Usually happy on a team – as an employee or in a field with clearly established rules to follow.

Words and phrases they use:

Take your time. Let’s not rush. What are the pros and cons? We should wait until we know more.

Feelings:

Worries about rushing into things unprepared. Is willing to let others take charge. Wants all the resources ahead of time. Seeks information and opinions. Doesn’t feel able to stick their neck out. Doesn’t like risk; risk makes them uncomfortable.

The type of question you should ask to determine which one they are:

Do you find it easy to take action when you have an idea, or do you need to do a little research on it first?

Toward vs Away (Pleasure vs Pain)

Toward Pleasure:

These people strive to achieve goals and incentives. They’d rather go after making a millions of dollars, compared to a pain oriented person who would rather not have zero dollars in their bank account.

Words and phrases they use:

Accomplish, get, attain, have, achieve. No pain, no gain. It’s worth the risk. Take a chance. Don’t be a stick in the mud. I’d love to try that.

Will tend to speak about some future condition and skip over the complications of getting there.

Feelings:

Values the new; will seek excitement. Often seen as an optimist. Counts their chickens before they hatch; strong visualization of rewards. Will be uncomfortable with recounting past unsuccessful endeavors. Will get excited about pay-offs of some action. Will strive for bonuses and titles in the workplace. More likely to be a ‘job shopper’ – someone who changes employers to get more money or status.

Away from pain:

Instead of being pulled by pleasure, the person is pushed from behind. They want to avoid pain. They move away from the uncomfortable and stressful. Their viewpoint is looking backwards. It’s the ‘fire beneath them’ that motivates action.

Without any pressures, these people tend to stick to the status quo. They value stability. They are seen as long-term employees who are competent but less motivated.

Words and phrases they use:

Prevent, remove, avoid. I had to; I have to. I don’t want that to happen again. I won’t make that mistake again. This is good enough. It doesn’t matter. Look before you leap. Don’t give up what you have for some pie in the sky. Well, at least we have this. It isn’t worth it. We should stick with the plan. We can’t let that happen.

Feelings:

Uncertainty when confronted with change. Will overreact to failures and avoid situations that seem similar. Feels threatened and responds enough to remove the threat. Worries about what could go wrong and seeks to move away from pain. Unwilling to ‘just forget about it’. Feels regrets strongly. Plays ‘what if’ scenarios. Values stability – more likely to respond to long-term benefits that prevent a painful condition than gains that require some sacrifice.

The type of question you should ask to determine which one they are:

What’s important to you about learning Persuasive Communication?
What would that do for you?

Do your answers show a person who envisions a wonderful future condition or do they highlight ‘fixing’ an existing problem? Are you drawn toward some goal or are you moving away from an unsatisfactory state?

Internal vs External

Internal:

Doesn’t require input from other people. Decisions are made by referencing internal cues. Self motivated; values their own ideas, doesn’t need to check with others. Sometimes seems a loner and self absorbed. Can conflict with ‘group think’. Doesn’t have a good sense of ‘the will of the crowd’. Isn’t influenced by polling (4 out of 5 dentists agree). Has to be convinced of the value of fitting in. Prefers situations where their own ideas have worth. Tends to overvalue their own past experiences, even with new circumstances. Can seem opinionated.

Words and phrases:

I, me, my. I think. I already know, you don’t have to tell me. I’ve already thought about it. I know all about it. Pauses to check with their interior mind.

Feelings:

Internal dialog/discussion. Strong feeling of ‘knowing’ from past experiences that are related to the present situation. Feelings of certainty after some thought and consideration. Introspective. Doesn’t mind being alone with their thoughts. Enjoys interior flights of fancy. Often prefers the ‘purity’ of visualization over the ‘dirty’ of real world application. Hates being told.

External:

Values research and the opinions of others. Listens and accepts criticisms. Looks to others for direction. Is influenced by polling and what others think. Wants to fit into the normal standards of a group. Likes consensus, will ‘give in’. Motivated by group ideals and goals. Unlikely to ‘go it alone’.

Words and phrases:

We, us, they. What do you think? You tell me. What about this? How did they do it before? Let’s brainstorm it. How should we do it?

Feelings:

Isn’t sure until an idea is ‘out there’. Wants the approval of others for ideas expressed. More likely to share the basis for decisions. Prefers ‘go along to get along’. Sees different as weird or ‘bad’. Strong group identity, will bond easily and usually loyal. Sees themselves as part of a larger picture. Doesn’t mind being told.

The type of question you should ask to determine which one they are:

When you are in the market to make a big purchase like buying car, what helps you decide?

Do they respond with some external person or resource or just their own decision?

Matching vs Contrasting (Sameness vs Difference)

Matching:

Looks to match new things with old, familiar things. Sees the new as ‘like’ similar, known things. Understands best when links are made between the familiar and the less familiar.

Words and phrases:

Same, similar, like, as good as, common. It’s like when… It’s just like… This reminds me of… Remember when…?

Feelings:

Comfortable with extensions from the known – add ons. Values the familiar, loath to change what already works OK. Sees things in types. Can be frustrated with nuances – “But they are all the same!” Tries to put things in categories, sometimes seems prejudiced. Doesn’t rebel against stereotypes.

Contrasting:

Looks to see where the new differs from the old. Focus is on how things differ. Understands best when contrasts are made.

Words and phrases:

Different, alter, change, no comparison, completely new. This changes things. The improvement is obvious. A new paradigm; a fresh idea; a whole new product. It’s as different as night and day.

Feelings:

Wants to see the nuances to pick out differences. Uncomfortable with sweeping categories. Attempts to find key differences in related items or tasks. Gets frustrated with small things that “ought to be changed to make this work better…” Sees things as instances – this one is different than the one before.

The type of question you should ask to determine which one they are:

Suppose you want to import bananas into the United States at a time before bananas were seen here. No one knows what a banana looks like, but they are familiar with other fruits. How would you describe bananas to them?

I was always told to be myself…

Who you are today, is because of the decisions you’ve made in the past. Who you will be in the future, will be determined by what you do now. If you’re goal is to network, meet, and connect with more people, it’s important to put yourself aside and focus on the person in front of you. People would then tell me that this is a very manipulative and fake technique. I perceive it in a different way. I think if you don’t match their persona as a whole, your being selfish and stubborn. Unless your intention is to do harm, matching the person in front of you is very caring, sincere, and real. It all depends on your intention.

This is a mouthful to take in all at once especially since you’re supposed to understand all of it within minutes or even seconds of meeting someone, but practice one technique at a time.

Knowing all of these techniques will enable you to become one Irresistibly persuasive communicator. A few more details about getting in rapport with someone can be seen from an old post called: How to Build Rapport.

How will you APPLY the techniques from this post?

32 Questions: 20 Empowering & 12, Not so Much

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Persuasive Communication doesn’t only refer to how you communicate with others, it also refers to how you communicate to your self. To change the results you get, you start by taking control of how your mind thinks. This is done by asking yourself the right questions.

Changing you

Has there ever been a time when you told yourself, “Why can’t I do this” or “Why am I such a failure?” Your mind is created to function and tic a certain way. When you ask your mind a question, it will ALWAYS look for an answer. So by asking yourself negative questions, you’ll get negative answers. What I’m about to share with you CAN be something that will dramatically change your life forever. Think about it, if you ask yourself negative questions, you get negative answers. So if you ask yourself positive questions, you get positive answers! Imagine if you asked yourself questions like, “How can I get stronger?” “How do I get smarter?” “What should I do to make money now?” Do you want to know the answers to those questions? I know I do which is why I ask myself those questions all the time! As I ask myself empowering questions, I eventually figure out the right answers.

Disempowering Questions

Why am I a loser?
Why does this always happen to me?
What is everyone against me?
How come no body likes me?
Why am I so shy?
Why don’t girls/guys like me?
Why doesn’t anyone like me?
Why can’t I be smarter?
Why am I always wrong?
Why do I always fail?
Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me?
Why do I always get these problems?

If you notice carefully, a lot of the times when you ask yourself negative question, you tend to generalize. It’s as if you aren’t beating yourself up enough already, you have to lie to yourself to make you sound even more pathetic to yourself. This doesn’t have to happen; in fact it’s really easy to change. You know a great exercise you should do but probably won’t: write down all the negative questions you have in your mind. Spend some time and really think hard about every negative question you’ve asked yourself, vigorously write them all down. Now take that piece of paper and crumble it up. Flush it down the toilet, burn it, or just simply throw it away. Poof, now these questions have vanished away like smoke(literally if you burned it 😉 ).

Empowering Questions

What are my goals?
How do I become stronger?
How do I become smarter?
What must I say to be more persuasive?
Why am I such a powerful person?
Why am I amazing?
Why do I consider myself to be the best?
What makes me feel real good right now?
What do I really want out of my life
How do I solve this problem that I have?
Who can I talk with to help me grow?
What steps must I take to reach the outcome I want?
What should I do different next time?
What am I committed to right now?
Who’s in charge of me?
What can I learn from this experience?
How do I become more enthusiastic
How can make more money?
What should I do to live a healthier lifestyle?
How can I become more consciously aware of my life?

Would you like to know the answers to these questions? Start asking yourself questions like these everyday! I promise and guarantee that you’ll eventually figure out the answer. It’s better you figure out the answer to, “why am I powerful,” compared to, “why am I a loser?” Wouldn’t you agree?

There is an infinite number of empowering questions you can ask yourself so please enlighten me with what one of your new questions…