Author Archives: AJ Kumar

120 Persuasive Words That Build Rapport (VAK)

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Wouldn’t it be great if there was some sort of technique that can instantly transform your rapport building skills to the next level? Something so secret that very few people know about it or better yet know how to use it.  To build rapport with someone means for you to be on the same level as them. In the same tribe. This means acting like them, talking like them, and also using the same or similar words they use.

Visual/Auditory/Kinesthetic (VAK)

Many of you reading this are probably familiar with what VAK is or maybe even generally how it works. Regardless to whether you do or not, I will teach you what words you should pay attention to as it relates to you building rapport. VAK, also referred to as representational systems are basically our senses that allow us to be engaged while discussing information, dealing with problems, thinking, or getting involved in various activities. To simplify this even more, representational systems determine how one processes information.

Most people are dominate in one particular area of VAK while a select few may be difficult to tell. Before you tell me that you’re one of the difficult ones, I’ll tell you that you’re not! Now read the rest of this post carefully to understand what I’m talking about.

Visual

For the people who are visual learners have the advantage of processing and comprehending information much quicker by literally seeing it in front of them. Obviously if their sight is their advantage, the other 2 areas are they’re disadvantages. For example, in a classroom, a visual learner would much rather prefer learning from charts, graphs, pictures, videos, or even live demonstrations rather than listening to the professor lecture the entire time. Not only would they prefer it, but they will probably retain less information with only the lecture. So for some of you parents who have kids who aren’t doing so well in school, it maybe because your kid processes information differently than how the teacher teaches it.

Words That Visuals People Use:

  • analyze
  • appear
  • clarity
  • conspicuous
  • dream
  • distinguish
  • envision
  • clarity
  • examine
  • envision
  • focus
  • foresee
  • horizon
  • idea
  • illusion
  • illustrate
  • Imagine
  • inspect
  • look
  • notice
  • observe
  • obvious
  • outlook
  • perception
  • picture
  • pinpoint
  • scene
  • scope
  • scrutinize
  • see
  • show
  • sight
  • sketchy
  • spot
  • survey
  • vague
  • view
  • vision
  • watch
  • witness

Auditory

Auditory learners on the other hand would much rather prefer hearing something. They may or may not care to whether they literally see it, but they will understand the information much better by simply listening to it. An example would be a student who would much rather just listen to the professor lecture throughout the class and take notes based upon what they hear.

Words That Auditory People Use:

  • announce
  • articulate
  • audible
  • boisterous
  • communicate
  • converse
  • discuss
  • dissonant
  • divulge
  • earshot
  • enunciate
  • gossip
  • hear
  • hush
  • listen
  • loud
  • mention
  • noise
  • proclaim
  • pronounce
  • remark
  • report
  • ring
  • roar
  • rumor
  • say
  • screech
  • shrill
  • shout
  • silence
  • sound
  • speak
  • speechless
  • squeal
  • state
  • talk
  • tell
  • tone
  • utter
  • voice

Kinesthetic

The kinesthetic learner finds the hands on experience the most effective and productive. These people would rather take part in the action and get a feel for what’s going on.

Words That Kinesthetic People Use:

  • active
  • affected
  • bearable
  • callous
  • charge
  • concrete
  • emotional
  • feel
  • firm
  • flow
  • foundation
  • grasp
  • grip
  • hanging
  • hassle
  • heated
  • hold
  • hunch
  • hustle
  • intuition
  • lukewarm
  • motion
  • panicky
  • pressure
  • rush
  • sensitive
  • set
  • shallow
  • shift
  • softly
  • solid
  • sore
  • stir
  • stress
  • support
  • tension
  • tied
  • touch
  • unsettled
  • whipped

What To Do With These 120 Words

Learning this is actually easier than it seems. The words listed above are generally the words that a visual/auditory/kinesthetic person uses. Obviously there are many more words for each category, but at least you get the idea.

Now, when you’re having a conversation with someone and you notice the person using words like “see, imagine, watch, etc.” then it is up to you to speak back to them using other visual words. The same applies if the person uses words from the auditory or kinesthetic category. If the person in front of you feels as if you are just like them, they are much more likely to be in rapport with you.

How can you use this technique today?

Is it Unethical to Persuade, Convince, or Influence Someone? Lets Debate!

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I get several emails everyday usually talking about the same thing.

“using persuasion to make people buy something or do something is unethical”

Okay, so let’s have a good ol’ fashion debate about this.

Topic: Is it Unethical to Persuade, Convince, or Influence Someone?

Example: If you call someone out of the blue (cold call), and you are soliciting your product or service, is it wrong for you to “sell” someone on it, even if they don’t need it?

Everyone’s Doing It: How Generalizing Can Help You

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Almost everybody in their life has used generalized terms as a form of exaggeration to make a point. To generalize something means to create a very broad view for a particular scenario.  For example, if you have kids, then I am sure you have heard the phrase, “come on…everyone’s going…” or “the test was so hard that everyone failed”. Kids purposely use generalizations as a persuasive tactic to sell you on why they should do something or why they can’t do something. It is a genius concept that most of us are already familiar with, but unfortunately not consciously aware enough to deliberately use it.  Many of you tend to overlook the fact that generalizing words, phrases, concepts, and ideas can induce guilt, following others, and urgency which ultimately leads into the action you desire.

Guilt

The psychological meaning of guilt is an emotional experience one has when they feel as if they made a mistake about a decision they have made and hold themselves responsible for making it. Let’s continue with the example I used above about kids:

“Come on…everyone’s going to the party tonight…”

This generalized phrase for typical parents translates into:  if everyone’s going to this party, and their kid is not, the parent is ruining their life etc. Obviously some parents are smart enough to prevent this from working ;). So for the many that are convinced by guilt to let their kids go to this party, they are victims of persuasive guilt created by generalizing a phrase.

In a business scenario, one business man can be trying to persuade someone to donate money to his charitable organization. Most people would tell the man no, they don’t have the money or whatever. The man can use a generalized phrase such a:

“Almost everyone I spoke to today has decided to contribute to this charity because they quickly realized that it is the right thing to do…shouldn’t you?”

Now I combined the usage of generalizations and a tie down to convince a prospect to donate to the charity.  The business man told this prospect that almost everyone has donated money today. Now the prospect will begin to think they are being greedy considering that almost everyone this man spoke to today has donated. This puts feelings of guilt in their mind which will motivate the prospect to make the donation.

Everyone’s Doing “It”

The whole “everyone’s doing it” also correlates with people wanting to be like everyone else. Ironically, people who tell me about how different or unique they want to be from others are saying the same thing everyone else is saying.

My friend Jim runs several cell phone kiosks along the West Coast. He told me a tactic he always teaches his sales people is to create some kind of buzz around the cell phone kiosk. Maybe showing some potential customers a magic trick or just something weird. When other people passing by see a crowd forming, the naturally develop the urge to see what is going on. People want to know why other people are gathering around this kiosk. Since sales is a #’s game, this helps increases the odds of closing a deal.

Urgency

People are more likely to take action on something when there is some sort of time limitation implemented.  For example, you see an infomercial on TV that says something about calling to purchase this product in the next 30 seconds and you’ll receive a free toothbrush or whatever with their company logo. You get the idea. Here is an example of how you can get someone to attend a personal development seminar by creating urgency and the other types of generalization listed above:

“Brad, you need to sign up for this event right now. Every successful person in the industry is going to be there so this event is guaranteed to sell out. You will never have this opportunity again.  Your looking to be a better sales person aren’t you? Well after the event, every time you are placed in a selling situation, you will know exactly what to say and do to close a deal. Isn’t that what you want?”

Here is the break down of what I wrote above:

  • Every successful person is attending: If all the successful people are attending, you definitely need to be at the event, especially if you want to be considered successful 😉
  • …never have this opportunity again: This causes urgency because this event is so unique, it is a once in a life time opportunity. You will hate yourself so much if don’t attend.
  • every time you are..close the deal: This tells the prospect that they will be virtually unstoppable with all the knowledge they learn after they attend
  • Everybody…
  • Everyone…
  • No one…
  • You always…
  • You never…
  • All

Words to Use When Generalizing

As a precaution, sometimes people call you out on what you say. For example, if a kid tells their parents that “everyone is going to the party,” to which some parents will say,”who exactly is going?” This obviously weakens your argument and can damage your point. The only way to bypass this road block is to simply rephrase what you stated before, “Mary, Sue, and all the kids from school are going” and quickly change the focus of the topic to something else like, “can’t this be the last time you tell me yes?”

The last example was pretty simplified, but is necessary for you to understand. Here is a business example to go alongside of the example I used above. “Almost everyone I spoke to today has decided to contribute to this charity because they quickly realized it’s the right thing to do…shouldn’t you?” Someone might say, “how many people exactly contributed?” To which you say, “Well the majority of them told me yes because they are interested in helping the less fortunate, aren’t you?”

Some may say that this is unethical while others will say this technique is brilliant. When it comes to persuading someone to do something, I always tell people that it comes down to your intention.

Now tell me, how will you use generalizations to get people to tell you “yes”?

Interrupting Someone is Not Rude, It is Persuasive!

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Has your mom or dad ever told you as a child to never interrupt someone while they are talking? Well I hate to be the one to say this to you, but they are dead wrong! A few years ago I was introduced to a very simple yet weird communication technique. Even though this technique is so easy to use, most people would shy away from using it. Pattern Interruption is a communication technique that many master persuaders use to confuse the mind of the person they are talking to.  I’m sure the first question that comes into your mind is: “Why would I want to confuse the mind of the person I’m talking to?”

Pattern Interruption

Wikipedia has a great explanation on what pattern interruption is exactly:

…a pattern interrupt is an action that changes a dynamic in a personal situation or relationship by making an unexpected change, resulting in a new, and hopefully more effective and beneficial, behavior…

Pattern interruption also blends in nicely with hypnotism and trance. This may sound funky and weird to you, but it’s actually as normal as anything else. The “pattern” is the  conversation or event that is taking place at that given time. The “interruption” is the new factor that comes into the picture that temporarily takes away the focus.

To understand how this works exactly, one must know a little bit about the subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is wired to automatically look for an answer to any questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself, “Why am I so stupid,” your subconscious mind will look for an answer.

So when a person’s pattern is interrupted, their mind will begin to search for the answer to why and what is happening.

Let’s say you are convincing a client to buy your product. During your “spiel”, you decide to make ask a completely irrelevant question like, “hey did you see that show last night?”  This will catch them off guard and and your rapport will force them to answer. Then you continue with your conversation. Your client will begin to ponder about why you asked that question and what it has to do with what your talking about. Now instead of them being on the defense about what you are selling them on, their attention will be divided. Now it will become easier for you to persuade, influence, or convince this person to take action because of their lack of mental defense

Types of Pattern Interruptions

  • Hypnotic handshake: This is handshake you could use on highly suggestive people
  • Tonality: dramatically change the tone of voice for a brief second or two and you’ll find your prospect in confusion.
  • Facial Expressions: Like the example above about making a stupid and funny face
  • Visual Object: Imagine a door to door sales man selling vacuums You knock on the door and the customer answers. You say, “I am James with Super Clean Vacuums, and I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’m holding a bag full of dust and lint, aren’t ya?” Usually you won’t see a door to door sales person holding a bag full of dust and lint, because is out of one’s normal pattern. This will harness the power of the customers curiosity allowing you to take an advantage as far as creating rapport.
  • Random Sentences/Words: Talking about one thing and then bring up a completely off topic subject. Then proceed with the original conversation.

Implementing Pattern Interruptions for Beginners

Your biggest challenge with trying the pattern interruption pattern will be about your level of comfort. Here’s the simple way to start practicing.

  • Educe a conversation with your prospect.
  • Ask a question that has nothing to do with the conversation. Make sure the question will bring your prospect to a desired state (i.e. excitement)
  • Continue with your conversation
  • close or pursue your desired action

    Yes this is an overly simplified version of pattern interruption, but it will give you the basis on how pattern interruptions work.

    Can you remember a time when you unknowlingly used a pattern interpution? Has anyone used it on you?

    How to Read Someone Like a Book

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    Body language can never lie; words and statements, however, can.  Learning to calibrate increases your ability to know what a person is feeling.  This becomes extremely potent when trying to eliminate confusion in communication and also to avoid getting deluded with words.

    In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), State Calibration are just “indicators” of a person’s state. When the red light is on the oven, it mean it’s heating up.  When you’ve calibrated a person, you can know that a specific person a brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched means they’re perplexed.  Therefore the “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched” state is like the red light on the oven; both the red oven light and the furrowed brow, squint, and hunch serve as indicators for what’s going on “inside”.

    How Do You Calibrate a State?

    When you see a person having a unique body posture, or movement, you ask them what they feel, and if they respond, you’ll know that that specific external body language, posture, breathing, and the like corresponds to their state!  ANY time you see them with “brow furrowed, right eye squinted and hunched, ask them what they’re feeling.  If they respond, you’ve just successfully calibrated their state!  Now whenever you see that external body language, you will understand that for that person it calibrates to “perplexed”.

    A green light on the oven could mean, “cleaning mode”, just as someone who’s in a state where their breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling, and you ask them what they feel they’ll say “happy” you’ve calibrated that “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” to mean happy for THEM.  So to that specific person, just as the green light means “cleaning mode”, “breathing steady, chest out, and smiling” means “feeling happy”.  Now, “breathing is steady, chest out, and smiling” does not mean happy for every person; just that specific person. To continue the analogy to now an absurd level of metaphor (LOL!) everyone’s “oven” is built different with different indicator lights. The oven lights are just a metaphor for “external indicator” that calibrates to an “internal state”.

    So Why is This Useful?

    State Calibration has millions of applications, but we can focus on two: dissolving confusion and persuasion.   Having calibrated a state is obviously clarifying because it  decreases confusion from ALL of these external states and configurations of body posture, breathing cadence, brow, voice tone, etc, because now you know, after calibrating, those are indicators of internal states. If you ask them what they’re feeling (so you don’t fall into the trap of mind reading) and they answer with a response of their internal state, you have just calibrated their external sensory indicators to their internal state! Congrats!! Successful calibration!

    Persuasive Calibration

    Now let’s examine the persuasive benefits of State Calibration.  Let’s say you’ve calibrated a state when you notice a person has “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet”.  What state does that calibrate to?  Well you ask them and they respond, “Interested.  I feel interested right now.” Excellent!  Now you know that whenever that person displays that “dilated pupils, slumped shoulders, and tapping feet” external behavior, then you know they’re interested.  Why would knowing their internal state be so persuasively valuable?  Let’s say you’re offering this person a sale and he suddenly pops into his “interested state” but SAYS “The price is too high; I don’t have my heart set on the product.”  If you hadn’t calibrated, you might have sold the product to him for a lower price.  However, the calibration master would demand the sale as is or even increase the price!  Why?  Because the person who has calibrated already knows that this person is clearly interested.

    Additionally, you can know when you’ve successfully put someone into a state.  What if you’ve calibrated a woman to “aroused” or a prospective client to “attentive and eager”.  You know when your communication is successful because you have those calibration “lights” that flick on revealing to you that your communication is effective!  All the best communicators and the most persuasive people utilize state calibration because everyone needs “checks and indicators” for if what they’re communicating is working or not!  You need feedback for what and how you communicate and all the lights start flashing and you can learn to read a person “like an oven” 😉 with effective state calibration!

    About the Author: John Thomas Kooz also blogs on Validate Life

    Using Quick Persuasion to Sell Your Ideas and Close Deals

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    Whether you have a sales, marketing, or executive job, your underline task is always to sell yourself,  ideas, products, or services to other people. Selling to people requires you to convey your point of view in efforts for someone to agree with you and take the necessary action. Here are some amazing posts I have written that will allow you to persuade someone to take action  now.

    • Using Tie downs– Ties downs are sentences that you use after particular states you make to bring more interaction in your conversation.
    • Repeat & Approve -This technique allows your client to subconsciously understand and believe you are giving them your undivided attention.
    • Create Awareness – You can easily create awareness in a conversation with a client which will not only give you their attention, but it will also allow you to create and lead the conversation in any direction you want.
    • Irresistible Persuasion – Learn how you can understand how a client makes a decision so you can customize your pitch and responses to their objections.
    • Future Pacing – This brilliant technique helps you handle objections that your client may create by talking to someone else which allows your client to keep their commitment.
    • Pain & Pleasure – Everyone on this planet either moves away from pain or goes toward pleasure. Discovering how you should handle each person will help you create rapport and motivate them to take action.
    • Embedded Commands – Simple and easy embedded command strategies to make your clients take action when it is time to do so.
    • Has There Ever Been a Time When – This language pattern has the power to make your client feel a certain way to motivate them into instant action

    The Secret to Why You Do What You Do and How to Use it to Your Advantage

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    Many people ave unique abilities or talents that separate them from everyone else. It provides a variety of concepts and ideas that overall revolutionize the way we live our everyday life. One thing that we all share in common is how we make the decisions we make to do the things we do. We all make decisions and take actions based on our Culture, Beliefs, and Past Experience.

    Culture

    Culture is a way of being and doing. It is so much a part of who we are that, like fish who cannot understand water until they are pulled out of it, we do not see the effects of our own culture on us. Cultural influences are most visible when looking at other countries and societies.

    What strikes us is how strange other cultures are. How can they possibly believe that? Most people would question why someone would be willing to sacrifice their own life for their culture.

    What does your culture tell you is worthwhile? What does your culture tell you is worth sacrificing your own life? Everyone, in any culture, will know the answers. It will seem so ‘common sense’ that these, and other questions are simple. No one asks where the ideas come from. Our own cultural influences are mostly hidden from us. And no matter how the answers differ from one culture to another, each person will be convinced that theirs is the correct answer and will feel it deep in their bones. Culture is like that. Don’t underestimate it.

    Culture Goes Deeper Than You Think

    It may surprise you how far back your cultural training goes. Surely, being right or left handed, or the sounds our mouth and tongues make, or the things we can and cannot eat – those are inborn, right?

    Wrong. There is a preference for one hand over the other before birth (as shown by thumb/finger sucking behavior) and if ‘left alone’ by culture, this will remain the dominant hand. However, cultures haven’t always stayed out of the picture. It takes about 8 months to switch from one hand to the other (as demonstrated by people who lose the use of a dominant hand).

    In Britain, during the 1970s, a study was conducted that showed while more than 10% of the population started out left-handed, the population over 55 was down around 3%. What happened? The explanation is cultural.

    Because of societal prejudice in the 19th and early 20th centuries, left-handedness was seen as a detrimental trait. A trait that could keep you from getting married and reproducing or one that had to be ‘beaten out’. Thankfully, this has changed. As cultures came to accept left handers (and even value them in some sports) the number of people born with a left-handed preference remained left handed. When cultures change, people change.

    Culture also determines the sounds you are able to make with your mouth. Humans are born as natural linguists, able to speak any human language at all. This ability, found in young children, is lost as age increases and we are then only able to correctly pronounce our native language. We are born mimics, and our culture tells us, and shapes us, to make the sounds required to fit in.

    How Culture Affects Communication

    Culturally based communication styles cause problems when parties do not recognize relevant cross-cultural differences. People tend to think that everyone uses the same rules and meanings. An American, for instance, usually uses an informal speaking tone and adopts an open and honest style in negotiations. This is also reflected subconsciously in their body language.

    But there is no universal, cross-cultural mode of communication. Americans tend to smile a great deal, even with strangers. It’s seen as just being friendly. In other cultures, a smile may indicate embarrassment or even be insulting. Even such common, subconscious movements, like shrugging, or rubbing one’s forehead, can be misinterpreted and have great significance in other cultures.

    A good idea would be to identify these often subconscious speaking and body language habits. If they can be made visible, and if they can be understood, they can be used consciously to great effect.

    Beliefs

    Beliefs are opinions and ideas about things for which there isn’t enough information available to say, “I know.”

    The difference between beliefs and culture is that while they both give us ‘truths’ of a sort, culture moves very slowly compared to beliefs. Culture changes over generations, beliefs can change overnight. Throughout your life there will be periods where beliefs change. They disappear, get stronger, and new beliefs arise as old ones are abandoned. Some changes are obvious – Santa Claus and the tooth fairy are two we usually abandon fairly soon. Religious conversion (either towards or away from) is a powerful belief change.

    The important thing is to understand that shared beliefs encourage rapport. When you run into a belief that strongly contradicts your own, you are most likely to reject the person who holds them as being stupid or crazy. But, of course, our own beliefs aren’t stupid or crazy. Are they?

    Well, we used to believe the earth was flat, Pluto was a planet, ‘bleeding’ someone could cure disease and women weren’t smart enough to vote. Stupid? Crazy? Not at all. Remember, beliefs fill the gap when there aren’t enough facts to actually know.

    Recognize that others hold beliefs contrary to your own. Forget actual truth value, beliefs only seem true because they haven’t been proven false. Beliefs are powerful things and often resist change.

    Past experiences

    How you react to the events in your present circumstances is based on similar experiences you’ve had in the past. This is a great convenience to us, but is prone to mistakes.

    The expedient part is that we don’t have to rethink every small part of our daily experience. A thousand minor events are dealt with nearly subconsciously. Everything from tying our shoes, buying gas, even reading and writing – all these skills are stored as memories. And we don’t have to relearn each task. The mistakes happen when we misuse or misapply our experiences. Americans have some difficulty driving in Europe. The same task that is automatic at home suddenly becomes difficult ‘on the wrong side of the road’. Of course, there isn’t a right or a wrong side. It’s just that our experiences no longer match the world around us.

    Less obvious to us are the day to day mistakes – the assumptions we make, based on past experience, about new people. Slurred speech means they are dumb. Wrinkled clothing means they have sloppy work habits. The list of prejudices is endless. But memory is a powerful thing. If you’ve had difficulty with computers, and you need to use a computer, the whole experience is going to be shaped by your past experience. This may even congeal into a belief – computers are hard to work with.

    April, 2007, Virginia Tech. 32 students are killed by Seung-Hui Cho. Although his motivations were complex, one thing is clear from the statements he left. His fear and loathing for society at large had been building for a long time. Labeled years before as having a social anxiety disorder, Cho’s experiences were of rejection and bullying by his peers. He found nothing of value in society and said, “You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option…You just loved to crucify me. You loved inducing cancer in my head, terror in my heart and ripping my soul all this time”.

    Experiences matter. They accumulate and contribute to our model of the world around us. And a different set of experiences makes a different person. You are not just what you do, but what you have done. The paradox is that every new activity is different in some ways from the remembered one. Finding and exploiting these differences is key: knowing how much, and how little, to rely on past experience.

    Become a Powerful Influencer

    Now that you have a much better understanding on why people do what they do, you will find it much easier to “relate” with people you talk to. It’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you.

    How Using “Tie Downs” Can Make You A Persuasive Communicator

    26 Replies

    Have you ever spoken to someone in the past who was really drawn to what you were saying? Like you were just talking and they couldn’t help but to keep nodding their head and saying words like “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “then what happened”. When you are getting eager reactions such as those from your listeners, doesn’t that give you some kind of signal that what you are saying is very interesting or compelling? Well what about the opposite? Your talking and your listener gives you little or nothing to work with. Especially if you are trying to sell this person on some kind of idea or product, and all they are doing is looking your straight in the eye with no expression. Has that ever happened to you?

    Energy and Enthusiasm

    Besides the technique I am about to teach you, having energy and enthusiasm when you speak makes a world of difference. Many times, it’s not what you say but how you say it. This is hard to convey through text, but let’s say you are telling someone about a party.

    “Hey man, there’s a party this weekend, you should come…”

    Or

    “Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!”

    Practically the same words but said differently can be the difference to whether that person comes to the part or not. Now to take your communication to the next level.

    Tie Downs

    Tie downs are small phrases or brief sentences you use after you say something that gives opportunities of interaction to your listener.

    “Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!” You love parties don’t you!?

    Now when I added a tie down to this sentence, not only do you gain interaction from your listener, but the tie down you use specifically correlates with what you just said.  This is actually done on purpose.  The agreement can be in the form of a verbal response (“yes”, “of course”, “sure”), a head nod, or even attentive silence.

    In a sales scenario:

    “Bud, this tie looks great with your suit. It shows the type of professionalism that’s required to be successful in a job like yours. You want to look professional, don’t you?”

    So if the client says “no”, they are saying “no” to looking professional. This is why they will most likely say “yes” to the question. By saying “yes” to this question, they are also assumed to purchase the product.  The best part about this is that it gives you the leverage to handle their objection if they say “no” to your close.

    Client: “no, I don’t want it…”

    You: “Bud, professionalism in your job is what helps in your success, isn’t it?

    Client: “Yes”

    You: “Well, that’s exactly why you need to get this tie. Let me ring you up. Did you want to do cash or credit.”

    Implanting an Embedded Command

    Tie downs are also a way to focus attention on the question form of your statements instead of the embedded commands the statements contain.

    “You can see the power of this, can’t you?”

    It leaves the listener caught trying to answer the question while the suggestion/command ‘see the power’ slips into the subconscious.

    A Less Aggressive Approach

    Here is an example given to me by one of my readers (Andrew):
    If our company could save you $300 per year on your domestic budget, how do you think that you would spend it?

    Tie Downs for Bloggers

    Since many of you are bloggers or people becoming bloggers, I figured I should show you the power of tie downs in Blogs. As I stated before, tie downs do not necessarily have to mean a verbal “yes”, in fact it can just be something one says internally. When you want to draw someone into a conversation, you ask them a question or something that allows them to participate.

    Many bloggers naturally use questions toward the end of their blog when asking for their readers opinion on what they just wrote about or something along the lines to that. However, if they started using tie downs throughout their post, they would get more user interaction. Something as simple as a statement followed by a tied down throughout your post can help do this.

    Have you ever read a long run-on statement that lost your attention? Sometimes even the best blog posts can be slightly modified with a few tie downs and make a world of difference. Tie downs give the reader subconscious cues to be ‘involved’. With the feeling of involvement comes participation. With participation, you will get more action on your blog. Whether it be products or services your selling or just getting people to click your ads, the more tie downs you use, the more active users you will begin to notice.

    “You Miss 100% of the Shots You Never Take.”

    32 Replies

    If you watch hockey as much as I do, and I don’t, then you would probably have no clue that it was Wayne Gretzky who said this quote.  The interpretation of this quote is more than simple: if you don’t take the shot, then obviously you wont score.  It is physically impossible to make a shot that you never took.  To incorporate this outside of hockey and into your personal development, we intertwine this quote in the sense of wanting to take action, but not. No action, no reaction.

    Not Even Trying

    Has there ever been a time you wanted to do something, but got very nervous and didn’t go through with it? Maybe something like not taking an open shot during a basketball game and instead passing it to your teammate. How about picking up the phone to make a sales call, but rather thinking about what else you can do right now so you wouldn’t have to dial the number. Has anything like this every happened to you? If you aren’t willing to admit, I sure am.

    I used to be the type of person who would pass the ball to my team mate even though I was wide open to take the shot only so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed if I missed it. I would also be the type of person who would rather not speak up because I was afraid to be rejected by the response I get. This made my life very mediocre, boring, and unfulfilled.

    Who Cares?

    Finally, I reached a breaking point and decided that if I don’t make a change, I will continue to be unhappy.  I started doing sales and overcame my fear of getting “no’s”, failing, embarrassment, rejection, and almost everything else that gave me a negative mindset.  And ever year after I turned 18 (no significance to that particular number) I decided I would change myself and adapt to how I need to be to become successful. My new mindset had the “who cares” motto attached to it.

    • Who cares if someone doesn’t like me?
    • Who cares if people think I am not good at something?
    • Who cares if I get embarrassed?
    • Who cares if I miss a shot?
    • Who cares if someone tells me no?
    • Who cares if I make a mistake?

    Many things in life are uncertain, but one thing that is for certain is that you will fail over and over again. Sometimes you will fail only once before you succeed and other times you will fail 9,999 times before you succeed. In the words of Thomas Edison, “I didn’t fail, I learned 9999 ways that wouldn’t work”. Talk about a powerful mindset. If you were to gain control of your mindset in that way, would you see better results?

    What You Can Do Right Now!

    Success depends on the results you are able to get. No results, no success. If you already know that most of the time you must fail in order to see results, shouldn’t you fail forward as fast as you can? Are you still scared? If you are, why? Rejection and embarrassment are all in the same category as failure. If you are scared to fail like how I was when I was younger, your mindset will remain undeveloped and you will find yourself missing out on a lot of what the world has to offer. I know I did.  Luckily, I was able to turn myself around when I did so that I can finally begin to set myself up for a healthy and successful future.

    Here is how you should start:

    1. If you notice an opportunity, go with your first thought and move forward with it.

    With this type of mindset, I could of scored a lot of points when I was playing basketball. Sure I might of missed some, but 3/10 is much better than 0/0. Have you ever passed up on an opportunity that ended up going mainstream or big time? Life in general is a risk. If you play it safe the rest of your life, I assure you that most of your dreams or wishes will never come true.

    2. Fail forward fast.

    I’ll probably get a lot of heat for this one, but you must fail in order to learn, grow, and gain experience. Everyone fails at something in their life and that’s perfectly normal. It will only make you stronger. Sometimes people fail over and over again i.e Thomas Edison, and it’s their persistence which finally leads them to some success.

    3. Be comfortable being uncomfortable

    I’ve said this several times before in my previous blog posts, and I will continue saying it future blog posts. Do things your uncomfortable with to radically change your mindset. If you find yourself taking a step back from something, take one leap forward.

    4. Talent

    If you want to be good at something, it takes practice and many years of it. This also means many years of loosing, failing, embarrassment, etc.  Look at any successful person’s track record and you will find yourself in a pool of failure

    This entire article was to show you that if you don’t try something, you won’t ever know whether you can do something or not.

    Not taking the shot is the same as missing the shot, so instead, how about you just take it?

    Have You Seen My Swag?

    22 Replies

    The obvious question is what the hell is swag? Urban Dictionary defines swag or swagger as: appearance, style, or the way he or she presents themselves. From pop icons to public figures, swag is what will allow one to have a magnetic effect on the people around them. Regardless of how the word was coined, it denotes a meaningful concept. Swag is simply having more than enough confidence in yourself, but not too much that it becomes arrogance.

    Swag in Your Business

    Have you ever met a person who you thought was really, for a lack of a better word, cool? A person so cool that in your mind you could not help but to say, “wow!” Now imagine that person making business deals, negotiating with clients, speaking in front of large groups. Do you think they can have a more profound effect on the people they speak to then you? Yes! The obvious question: why? People want to do business with people who feel confident about themselves.

    If you do not believe in yourself, why should other people, right?

    Has there ever been a time when you were not feeling at the top of your game and you instantly noticed the wrong people being attracted to you? By ‘attracted to you’ I do not mean in a sexual connotation, I mean as far as business, friendship, or just as a human being. Trust me, it happens to everyone several times throughout their life.

    It is very similar to having charisma and that magnetic attraction, people are automatically drawn to be around you.

    The more the people that want to be around you the less resistance you will get from potential prospects. Having swag in others helps you close deals with less effort and energy on your part.

    Swag in Your Relationships (small excerpt)

    Women dig guys who have swag. Regardless of money, if you can carry yourself with swag, then you can have almost any women out there. Take a guy like Tom Leykis who is clearly not a good looking guy, but he does have swag. Even if he was dead broke, he can still get almost any women he wants.

    Swag is not only for men, women with swag also prosper. Women who have swag tend to attract much better quality guys. Too many women unfortunately end up with losers am I right ladies? Some of you women could care less, but I can easily bet a majority of women want the good quality guys. Carry yourself well with confidence (swag) and you will start to notice that your subconsciously weeding through most of the jerks.

    How do you get “Swag”?

    The simple solution is: be an actor. No I do not mean being an actor like on TV or in the movies, I mean ‘act as if’:

    • you are successful
    • you always get what you want
    • you love yourself
    • you feel secure
    • you can do anything you set your mind to
    • it is never too late
    • anything is possible
    • people like you

    Even if you do not believe in the above said, pretend that you do. It does not matter if your swag is fake because you will sooner or later subconsciously believe it to be true, which is what counts. Fake it till you make it.

    A few more techniques to portray swag:

    • Posture – Simply standing up tall and straight does a lot to a person’s swag. Who knew that all your mom’s nagging about standing up straight was true. Then continue using a strong posture as you move or walk around.

    “Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
    I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk…”

    • Speaking – speak with confidence and believe everything you say to be true. Too many “ums”, “ers,” and any other 2 letter word you use when speak can decrease your swag tremendously. Act as if you are a cop and speak with conviction.
    • Dress – invest in yourself by buying clothes that actually fit. “You look good you feel good” goes a long way. Tailors are your new friend!

    Swag is really just a new word of being confident, powerful, and charismatic.  If you can convince yourself to have swag right now, you will almost instantly see a difference in your personal and business life.

    Do you have swag? If you do not, then act as if you do for a few days and tell me the difference of how life begins to revolve around you.