Monthly Archives: April 2009

The Secret to Why You Do What You Do and How to Use it to Your Advantage

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Many people ave unique abilities or talents that separate them from everyone else. It provides a variety of concepts and ideas that overall revolutionize the way we live our everyday life. One thing that we all share in common is how we make the decisions we make to do the things we do. We all make decisions and take actions based on our Culture, Beliefs, and Past Experience.

Culture

Culture is a way of being and doing. It is so much a part of who we are that, like fish who cannot understand water until they are pulled out of it, we do not see the effects of our own culture on us. Cultural influences are most visible when looking at other countries and societies.

What strikes us is how strange other cultures are. How can they possibly believe that? Most people would question why someone would be willing to sacrifice their own life for their culture.

What does your culture tell you is worthwhile? What does your culture tell you is worth sacrificing your own life? Everyone, in any culture, will know the answers. It will seem so ‘common sense’ that these, and other questions are simple. No one asks where the ideas come from. Our own cultural influences are mostly hidden from us. And no matter how the answers differ from one culture to another, each person will be convinced that theirs is the correct answer and will feel it deep in their bones. Culture is like that. Don’t underestimate it.

Culture Goes Deeper Than You Think

It may surprise you how far back your cultural training goes. Surely, being right or left handed, or the sounds our mouth and tongues make, or the things we can and cannot eat – those are inborn, right?

Wrong. There is a preference for one hand over the other before birth (as shown by thumb/finger sucking behavior) and if ‘left alone’ by culture, this will remain the dominant hand. However, cultures haven’t always stayed out of the picture. It takes about 8 months to switch from one hand to the other (as demonstrated by people who lose the use of a dominant hand).

In Britain, during the 1970s, a study was conducted that showed while more than 10% of the population started out left-handed, the population over 55 was down around 3%. What happened? The explanation is cultural.

Because of societal prejudice in the 19th and early 20th centuries, left-handedness was seen as a detrimental trait. A trait that could keep you from getting married and reproducing or one that had to be ‘beaten out’. Thankfully, this has changed. As cultures came to accept left handers (and even value them in some sports) the number of people born with a left-handed preference remained left handed. When cultures change, people change.

Culture also determines the sounds you are able to make with your mouth. Humans are born as natural linguists, able to speak any human language at all. This ability, found in young children, is lost as age increases and we are then only able to correctly pronounce our native language. We are born mimics, and our culture tells us, and shapes us, to make the sounds required to fit in.

How Culture Affects Communication

Culturally based communication styles cause problems when parties do not recognize relevant cross-cultural differences. People tend to think that everyone uses the same rules and meanings. An American, for instance, usually uses an informal speaking tone and adopts an open and honest style in negotiations. This is also reflected subconsciously in their body language.

But there is no universal, cross-cultural mode of communication. Americans tend to smile a great deal, even with strangers. It’s seen as just being friendly. In other cultures, a smile may indicate embarrassment or even be insulting. Even such common, subconscious movements, like shrugging, or rubbing one’s forehead, can be misinterpreted and have great significance in other cultures.

A good idea would be to identify these often subconscious speaking and body language habits. If they can be made visible, and if they can be understood, they can be used consciously to great effect.

Beliefs

Beliefs are opinions and ideas about things for which there isn’t enough information available to say, “I know.”

The difference between beliefs and culture is that while they both give us ‘truths’ of a sort, culture moves very slowly compared to beliefs. Culture changes over generations, beliefs can change overnight. Throughout your life there will be periods where beliefs change. They disappear, get stronger, and new beliefs arise as old ones are abandoned. Some changes are obvious – Santa Claus and the tooth fairy are two we usually abandon fairly soon. Religious conversion (either towards or away from) is a powerful belief change.

The important thing is to understand that shared beliefs encourage rapport. When you run into a belief that strongly contradicts your own, you are most likely to reject the person who holds them as being stupid or crazy. But, of course, our own beliefs aren’t stupid or crazy. Are they?

Well, we used to believe the earth was flat, Pluto was a planet, ‘bleeding’ someone could cure disease and women weren’t smart enough to vote. Stupid? Crazy? Not at all. Remember, beliefs fill the gap when there aren’t enough facts to actually know.

Recognize that others hold beliefs contrary to your own. Forget actual truth value, beliefs only seem true because they haven’t been proven false. Beliefs are powerful things and often resist change.

Past experiences

How you react to the events in your present circumstances is based on similar experiences you’ve had in the past. This is a great convenience to us, but is prone to mistakes.

The expedient part is that we don’t have to rethink every small part of our daily experience. A thousand minor events are dealt with nearly subconsciously. Everything from tying our shoes, buying gas, even reading and writing – all these skills are stored as memories. And we don’t have to relearn each task. The mistakes happen when we misuse or misapply our experiences. Americans have some difficulty driving in Europe. The same task that is automatic at home suddenly becomes difficult ‘on the wrong side of the road’. Of course, there isn’t a right or a wrong side. It’s just that our experiences no longer match the world around us.

Less obvious to us are the day to day mistakes – the assumptions we make, based on past experience, about new people. Slurred speech means they are dumb. Wrinkled clothing means they have sloppy work habits. The list of prejudices is endless. But memory is a powerful thing. If you’ve had difficulty with computers, and you need to use a computer, the whole experience is going to be shaped by your past experience. This may even congeal into a belief – computers are hard to work with.

April, 2007, Virginia Tech. 32 students are killed by Seung-Hui Cho. Although his motivations were complex, one thing is clear from the statements he left. His fear and loathing for society at large had been building for a long time. Labeled years before as having a social anxiety disorder, Cho’s experiences were of rejection and bullying by his peers. He found nothing of value in society and said, “You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option…You just loved to crucify me. You loved inducing cancer in my head, terror in my heart and ripping my soul all this time”.

Experiences matter. They accumulate and contribute to our model of the world around us. And a different set of experiences makes a different person. You are not just what you do, but what you have done. The paradox is that every new activity is different in some ways from the remembered one. Finding and exploiting these differences is key: knowing how much, and how little, to rely on past experience.

Become a Powerful Influencer

Now that you have a much better understanding on why people do what they do, you will find it much easier to “relate” with people you talk to. It’s not about you, it’s about the person in front of you.

How Using “Tie Downs” Can Make You A Persuasive Communicator

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Have you ever spoken to someone in the past who was really drawn to what you were saying? Like you were just talking and they couldn’t help but to keep nodding their head and saying words like “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “then what happened”. When you are getting eager reactions such as those from your listeners, doesn’t that give you some kind of signal that what you are saying is very interesting or compelling? Well what about the opposite? Your talking and your listener gives you little or nothing to work with. Especially if you are trying to sell this person on some kind of idea or product, and all they are doing is looking your straight in the eye with no expression. Has that ever happened to you?

Energy and Enthusiasm

Besides the technique I am about to teach you, having energy and enthusiasm when you speak makes a world of difference. Many times, it’s not what you say but how you say it. This is hard to convey through text, but let’s say you are telling someone about a party.

“Hey man, there’s a party this weekend, you should come…”

Or

“Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!”

Practically the same words but said differently can be the difference to whether that person comes to the part or not. Now to take your communication to the next level.

Tie Downs

Tie downs are small phrases or brief sentences you use after you say something that gives opportunities of interaction to your listener.

“Hey man! There’s this awesome party this weekend! You gotta be there!!” You love parties don’t you!?

Now when I added a tie down to this sentence, not only do you gain interaction from your listener, but the tie down you use specifically correlates with what you just said.  This is actually done on purpose.  The agreement can be in the form of a verbal response (“yes”, “of course”, “sure”), a head nod, or even attentive silence.

In a sales scenario:

“Bud, this tie looks great with your suit. It shows the type of professionalism that’s required to be successful in a job like yours. You want to look professional, don’t you?”

So if the client says “no”, they are saying “no” to looking professional. This is why they will most likely say “yes” to the question. By saying “yes” to this question, they are also assumed to purchase the product.  The best part about this is that it gives you the leverage to handle their objection if they say “no” to your close.

Client: “no, I don’t want it…”

You: “Bud, professionalism in your job is what helps in your success, isn’t it?

Client: “Yes”

You: “Well, that’s exactly why you need to get this tie. Let me ring you up. Did you want to do cash or credit.”

Implanting an Embedded Command

Tie downs are also a way to focus attention on the question form of your statements instead of the embedded commands the statements contain.

“You can see the power of this, can’t you?”

It leaves the listener caught trying to answer the question while the suggestion/command ‘see the power’ slips into the subconscious.

A Less Aggressive Approach

Here is an example given to me by one of my readers (Andrew):
If our company could save you $300 per year on your domestic budget, how do you think that you would spend it?

Tie Downs for Bloggers

Since many of you are bloggers or people becoming bloggers, I figured I should show you the power of tie downs in Blogs. As I stated before, tie downs do not necessarily have to mean a verbal “yes”, in fact it can just be something one says internally. When you want to draw someone into a conversation, you ask them a question or something that allows them to participate.

Many bloggers naturally use questions toward the end of their blog when asking for their readers opinion on what they just wrote about or something along the lines to that. However, if they started using tie downs throughout their post, they would get more user interaction. Something as simple as a statement followed by a tied down throughout your post can help do this.

Have you ever read a long run-on statement that lost your attention? Sometimes even the best blog posts can be slightly modified with a few tie downs and make a world of difference. Tie downs give the reader subconscious cues to be ‘involved’. With the feeling of involvement comes participation. With participation, you will get more action on your blog. Whether it be products or services your selling or just getting people to click your ads, the more tie downs you use, the more active users you will begin to notice.

“You Miss 100% of the Shots You Never Take.”

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If you watch hockey as much as I do, and I don’t, then you would probably have no clue that it was Wayne Gretzky who said this quote.  The interpretation of this quote is more than simple: if you don’t take the shot, then obviously you wont score.  It is physically impossible to make a shot that you never took.  To incorporate this outside of hockey and into your personal development, we intertwine this quote in the sense of wanting to take action, but not. No action, no reaction.

Not Even Trying

Has there ever been a time you wanted to do something, but got very nervous and didn’t go through with it? Maybe something like not taking an open shot during a basketball game and instead passing it to your teammate. How about picking up the phone to make a sales call, but rather thinking about what else you can do right now so you wouldn’t have to dial the number. Has anything like this every happened to you? If you aren’t willing to admit, I sure am.

I used to be the type of person who would pass the ball to my team mate even though I was wide open to take the shot only so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed if I missed it. I would also be the type of person who would rather not speak up because I was afraid to be rejected by the response I get. This made my life very mediocre, boring, and unfulfilled.

Who Cares?

Finally, I reached a breaking point and decided that if I don’t make a change, I will continue to be unhappy.  I started doing sales and overcame my fear of getting “no’s”, failing, embarrassment, rejection, and almost everything else that gave me a negative mindset.  And ever year after I turned 18 (no significance to that particular number) I decided I would change myself and adapt to how I need to be to become successful. My new mindset had the “who cares” motto attached to it.

  • Who cares if someone doesn’t like me?
  • Who cares if people think I am not good at something?
  • Who cares if I get embarrassed?
  • Who cares if I miss a shot?
  • Who cares if someone tells me no?
  • Who cares if I make a mistake?

Many things in life are uncertain, but one thing that is for certain is that you will fail over and over again. Sometimes you will fail only once before you succeed and other times you will fail 9,999 times before you succeed. In the words of Thomas Edison, “I didn’t fail, I learned 9999 ways that wouldn’t work”. Talk about a powerful mindset. If you were to gain control of your mindset in that way, would you see better results?

What You Can Do Right Now!

Success depends on the results you are able to get. No results, no success. If you already know that most of the time you must fail in order to see results, shouldn’t you fail forward as fast as you can? Are you still scared? If you are, why? Rejection and embarrassment are all in the same category as failure. If you are scared to fail like how I was when I was younger, your mindset will remain undeveloped and you will find yourself missing out on a lot of what the world has to offer. I know I did.  Luckily, I was able to turn myself around when I did so that I can finally begin to set myself up for a healthy and successful future.

Here is how you should start:

1. If you notice an opportunity, go with your first thought and move forward with it.

With this type of mindset, I could of scored a lot of points when I was playing basketball. Sure I might of missed some, but 3/10 is much better than 0/0. Have you ever passed up on an opportunity that ended up going mainstream or big time? Life in general is a risk. If you play it safe the rest of your life, I assure you that most of your dreams or wishes will never come true.

2. Fail forward fast.

I’ll probably get a lot of heat for this one, but you must fail in order to learn, grow, and gain experience. Everyone fails at something in their life and that’s perfectly normal. It will only make you stronger. Sometimes people fail over and over again i.e Thomas Edison, and it’s their persistence which finally leads them to some success.

3. Be comfortable being uncomfortable

I’ve said this several times before in my previous blog posts, and I will continue saying it future blog posts. Do things your uncomfortable with to radically change your mindset. If you find yourself taking a step back from something, take one leap forward.

4. Talent

If you want to be good at something, it takes practice and many years of it. This also means many years of loosing, failing, embarrassment, etc.  Look at any successful person’s track record and you will find yourself in a pool of failure

This entire article was to show you that if you don’t try something, you won’t ever know whether you can do something or not.

Not taking the shot is the same as missing the shot, so instead, how about you just take it?

Have You Seen My Swag?

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The obvious question is what the hell is swag? Urban Dictionary defines swag or swagger as: appearance, style, or the way he or she presents themselves. From pop icons to public figures, swag is what will allow one to have a magnetic effect on the people around them. Regardless of how the word was coined, it denotes a meaningful concept. Swag is simply having more than enough confidence in yourself, but not too much that it becomes arrogance.

Swag in Your Business

Have you ever met a person who you thought was really, for a lack of a better word, cool? A person so cool that in your mind you could not help but to say, “wow!” Now imagine that person making business deals, negotiating with clients, speaking in front of large groups. Do you think they can have a more profound effect on the people they speak to then you? Yes! The obvious question: why? People want to do business with people who feel confident about themselves.

If you do not believe in yourself, why should other people, right?

Has there ever been a time when you were not feeling at the top of your game and you instantly noticed the wrong people being attracted to you? By ‘attracted to you’ I do not mean in a sexual connotation, I mean as far as business, friendship, or just as a human being. Trust me, it happens to everyone several times throughout their life.

It is very similar to having charisma and that magnetic attraction, people are automatically drawn to be around you.

The more the people that want to be around you the less resistance you will get from potential prospects. Having swag in others helps you close deals with less effort and energy on your part.

Swag in Your Relationships (small excerpt)

Women dig guys who have swag. Regardless of money, if you can carry yourself with swag, then you can have almost any women out there. Take a guy like Tom Leykis who is clearly not a good looking guy, but he does have swag. Even if he was dead broke, he can still get almost any women he wants.

Swag is not only for men, women with swag also prosper. Women who have swag tend to attract much better quality guys. Too many women unfortunately end up with losers am I right ladies? Some of you women could care less, but I can easily bet a majority of women want the good quality guys. Carry yourself well with confidence (swag) and you will start to notice that your subconsciously weeding through most of the jerks.

How do you get “Swag”?

The simple solution is: be an actor. No I do not mean being an actor like on TV or in the movies, I mean ‘act as if’:

  • you are successful
  • you always get what you want
  • you love yourself
  • you feel secure
  • you can do anything you set your mind to
  • it is never too late
  • anything is possible
  • people like you

Even if you do not believe in the above said, pretend that you do. It does not matter if your swag is fake because you will sooner or later subconsciously believe it to be true, which is what counts. Fake it till you make it.

A few more techniques to portray swag:

  • Posture – Simply standing up tall and straight does a lot to a person’s swag. Who knew that all your mom’s nagging about standing up straight was true. Then continue using a strong posture as you move or walk around.

“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m a woman’s man: no time to talk…”

  • Speaking – speak with confidence and believe everything you say to be true. Too many “ums”, “ers,” and any other 2 letter word you use when speak can decrease your swag tremendously. Act as if you are a cop and speak with conviction.
  • Dress – invest in yourself by buying clothes that actually fit. “You look good you feel good” goes a long way. Tailors are your new friend!

Swag is really just a new word of being confident, powerful, and charismatic.  If you can convince yourself to have swag right now, you will almost instantly see a difference in your personal and business life.

Do you have swag? If you do not, then act as if you do for a few days and tell me the difference of how life begins to revolve around you.

Take a Few Steps Back for Every Giant Leap Forward

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It is quite apparent to almost everyone: times are tough. This may not be the case for some, but it is definitely the case for most people, especially here in the United States. So what does all this mean? This not so good economy can be perceived in 2 ways. You can view our current economic situation as ‘the worst thing that can ever happen’ or you can also view it as ‘your chance to make it big’.

The Worse Thing That Can Ever Happen

Unfortunately, most people will begin or have already began to perceive our current economic situation in this negative way. People who have this perception usually say things like:

  • “There aren’t any opportunities…”
  • “The US economy is terrible right now…”
  • “Everyone is having a hard time…”
  • “Who knows when this thing will turn around…”

You get the point…

These are people who do not understand that regardless of whether the economy is good or bad, it is still a pretty equal playing field. What I mean by that is most people face the same challenges you face with no advantage in particular. The economy has not slowed down for just you, it slowed down for everyone.

People with this perception also have a tendency to become lazy, frustrated, angry, and depressed. All negative feelings that not only prevent you from personal growth, but they also prevent you from achieving success.

Let me tell you that these negative feelings do happen to the best of us, but the difference between the two types is that your chance to make it big’ people are able to better communicate positivity and action to their minds.

Your Chance to Make it Big

Luckily, some people have more control over their thoughts than others which allows them to have a much more positive and in some cases profitable perspective than others. Even though the economy is challenging, this group tends to view it as their chance to make it big. These people say things like:

  • “I’m going to work my butt off…”
  • “It’s my time to shine…”
  • “While everyone is wallowing in their misery, I’m going to make it happen…”

Big difference in the way they speak huh?

The reality of our current situation is that during times likes these, people put their creativity on ‘high’ allowing them to create more and more ways of becoming successful and prosperous.

Take a Few Steps Back for Every Giant Leap Forward

I originally re-reminded of this idea when I read Tom Gorecki’s Blog on “Are your parents doing more harm than good” Now given the topic is a bit different, but the message most definitely applies. To those who are suffered with the challenges of moving back in with mom and dad, I say do it.  This is something I define as taking a few steps backward. For those who can, it is totally worth moving back in with your parents to save a thousands of dollars a month.  That money you save can be used to help you make more money. Once you have more money to play with, you can learn the ideology of using your money to make you more money. My friend Neil Patel is a Internet mogul and is proud to live with his parents!

The time for you to work hard is right now. By you working hard and taking those few steps backwards will help you take some giant leaps forward as the economy starts to turn around. I always say that if you can become successful in or during this economic situation, you will able to succeed anywhere no matter what. That is a pretty bold statement and should not be taken lightly.

How to Take a few steps back

  • moving in with someone
  • stop spending money on ‘wants’
  • cut out traveling
  • start studying and learning (investing time)
  • limit taking days off
  • taking on a part time job
  • taking a pay cut

It is usually hard for people to take a few steps back because they automatically begin to think each step backwards is negative. If you take a look at almost all of the successful people in this world, most of them had to take several steps backwards various times throughout their life in order for them to get where they are at today.

Work While Others Sleep

Now you do not have to take this in literal terminology, but it would be in your best benefit to spend more of your time working both on your business AND in your business. Working in your business means that you are developing new business while working on your business is honing in on your skills. For example, working on your persuasive communication to learn the language of persuasion. Being able to communicate effectively is working on your business.

I cannot tell you enough that if you are spending your time moping about why all this is happening to you, why you got laid off, why you are not getting paid as much, why are you getting all these bills that you cannot afford, you are heading down the wrong path.

First

Change the questions you ask yourself.

Second

Write a 90 day plan of action and follow

Third

If you have extra time, and even if you do not, make extra time and work on your business

Giant Leaps

You want to take giant leaps, then be comfortable with setbacks. Imagine yourself as a slingshot. In order for the slingshot to work, you must pull it as back as you can. After you let it go, it can launch something 100x the distance you pulled back.

Decide right now to be comfortable taking a few steps back because it can help you go 100 steps forward.

Which direction are you stepping towards right now?

Have You Ever Used Excuses? 4 Ways To Stop!

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Why do you use excuses? Is it the fear of failure? Fear of success? Is it because you are lazy or just not motivated enough? What ever excuse you have for using excuses, drop em’. Excuses allow you to get away with something you are too scared to do because you feel uncomfortable. You give out excuses because you want to avoid potential embarrassment, failure, or even success.

STOP USING EXCUSES!

It is simple really, follow the steps bellow:

1. DO NOT Tell Anyone Your Excuses.

Even if an excuse pops up in your head, DO NOT repeat it out loud. The more people who know about your excuses, the more they will hold you accountable to them. As I have wrote in previous blog posts, sharing your goal with everyone is the secret to success because of the high level of accountability. Sharing your excuses is the negative version of that type of affect and will result in your mind subconsciously validating that excuse. This is similar to being sick with a small cold or flu. The more people you tell about being sick, the worse and worse you will feel. There are a number of reasons why people like to tell others they are feeling sick. One of which is the obvious excuse of getting out of situation and the other is getting some sympathy votes.

2. Handle Your Own Objection

An excuses is really an objection in your own my mind, so handle it. Question yourself if your mind tells you that you cannot do something. Always look for an answer. People who can do this go from regular to great and great to master. Take Matt Scott for example (guy from the video).

3. Like Nike says, “JUST DO IT”

This is one of the most popular slogans of all times. It does not take a rocket scientist to interpret this message…

4. Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

One of the major reasons you use excuses is because you may sometimes feel uneasy and uncomfortable. What most people do not understand is that being uncomfortable is not just a good thing, it is a GREAT thing! I personally love to be in uncomfortable situations because it gives me new experiences and most importantly,  it helps me grow mentally.

Get To Work

One of the most over used and understated quotes I have ever heard while working at the Mike Ferry Organization was, “You can make money or make excuses, but you can’t do both”

What is the lamest excuse you have ever used?