Monthly Archives: July 2010

How to Build Rapport

how to build rapport

People generally like to be around other people who are like themselves. Matthew Ferry, a motivational speaker and sales trainer, says that it’s simliar to the way tribes work. A tribe consists of a number of people who are all similar to one another. They all talk, walk and do things in a similar way.

When someone from tribe A tries to interacts with someone from tribe B, tribe B tends to be a little standoffish and uncomfortable. This is mainly because the person from tribe A is different and tribe B doesn’t trust people who are different.

Has there ever been a time when you met someone you didn’t know and felt like you two just didn’t get along? This is because you appeared to come across as someone who’s from a completely different tribe. 


You may be thinking, “why should I try to be like the other person, the other person should be like me.”

In communication, you cannot be selfish, in fact you must be very giving. The more you choose to be like the person in front of you, the closer you will be to building rapport.

From my experiences, people trust friends, and when they trust you, they are more likely to do business with you.

How do you get the person in front of you to feel comfortable with you and recognize you as their friend?

1. Match Their Tonality

  • Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times. If they are naturally loud, then you talk loud. If they are naturally soft, then you do the same.
  • How do they pronounce words? e.g. (tomato or tamato) Listen to how they say their words and do the same.

2. The Way They Talk

People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest. Figuring it out won’t be too difficult, compare them to the descriptions below and talk the same way.

  • Throat: A very throat-ee person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog
  • Nose: An person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested
  • Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. Follow Their Rate of Speech

Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w. If they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someones mind? Usually when you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a slick fast talkin’ sales person. We automatically go into defense mode: “warning warning….salesman…salesman!”

The opposite scenario would be when you talk slow to someone who speaks fast. They might think that your dumb or stupid (which obviously is NOT true).

This is why it is apparent that you speak at the same speed they speak.

4. Repeat & Approve

This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget. After they speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great, amazing, thats exciting). This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like when you listen 🙂

5. Body Language

Matching body language is also very critical. I’ve listed how you should match each particular part of the person’s body.

  • Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10-15 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
  • Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk
  • Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
  • Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
  • Head Nods: Instantly

Using these tactics will amazingly increase the levels of rapport you achieve with the people you speak to.

The Analytical Personality Type

Analytical Personality Type

Knowing what kind of personality type someone is can be a major advantage in building rapport, closing a deal, or networking. The hardest part isn’t learning about how to tell who is what, but rather how to use subconscious versatility at any given time.

What I mean by this is being able to interact with people, instantly figuring out which personality type they are, then automatically adjusting who you are to communicate with them.

Can you imagine how many new powerful connections you can make? The more people who feel comfortable around you, the more chances you have in-exponentially increasing your business.

How Analyticals  People Work

People who have the Analytical personality type usually appear to be very intelligent, nerdy, or systematical. I’m not saying that all analytical are smart or technologically advanced, although many of them are, but that most pay close attention to the smallest details.

You’ll also find that many Analyticals wear glasses because their eyes are vigorously reading and analyzing data faster than most resulting in their eyes wearing out quicker.  

Analyticals are people who, like Drivers, have little to no emotion, yet unlike Drivers or Expressives, make decisions slowly and with much second thought.

  • Sees overt emotion as a weakness and something to distrust.
  • Needs facts, numbers, and details. Will seek out more information.
  • Usually known for being a perfectionist, hates to make errors. Doesn’t forgive mistakes easily in themselves or others. Seen as intolerant.
  • Great problem solving skills. Wants to be admired for their problem solving abilities.
  • Likes organization and structure. Will sometimes hold to ‘rules’ even when results suffer.
  • Soft voice, reserved. Not directly confrontational. Lets the data speak for itself. Expects others to agree based on facts and logical arguments.
  • Gets frustrated when people don’t see ‘the right answer’ as clearly as they do.
  • Usually doesn’t get bored – internal life (thinking about ‘stuff’) keeps them occupied when outside stimulus is low.

Analyticals are usually pretty easy to spot because of their neatness, structure, and sensitivity of minute detail. Dealing with an Analytical sounds quite simple, but actually requires you to provide an extensive amount of data, graphs, references, and anything else with numbers, facts, and figures.

Other Personality Types

The Amiable Personality Type

Amiable Personality

Have you ever had a friend in your life who was very caring and supportive? They were always there for you and did everything to make sure you were happy. There is a good chance your friend has an Amiable personality type.

Amiable’s are very reliable and trustworthy. These people are very loyal employees and amazing people to have on your team. Amiable are usually not in very high-level executive positions, but there are obviously exceptions here and there.

Being an Amiable doesn’t mean you can’t be a leader, most of them just don’t have the characteristics of one. Amiables also tend to be very high in emotion and make decisions slowly.

  • Team player, looks for an ‘everybody wins’ result.
  • Warm and friendly, but sometimes cloying.
  • Doesn’t hide from feelings, expressing and listening. Caring, nurturing come easily.
  • Soft spoken, goes along to ‘get along’. Uncomfortable when they don’t know how the group feels about something. Doesn’t like independent activities and decision-making.
  • Rarely sticks up for their position in the face of strong opposition. Prefers compromise.

It’s quite simple to talk with people who are Amiable because they aim to please. They have a tendency to make sure that everyone likes them. When dealing with an Amiable, be sure to be very sincere, ask about their family, friends, and themselves. If you trying to close some kind of deal with them, tell them of how whatever your selling (including yourself) will impact the people around them after they buy (they care about others).

Other Personality Types

Have You Heard of The Snowball Effect?

The snowball effect was originally an analogy that was used to describe the Great War. It simply means something of little to no significance building up to become miraculous and great. Snowball, was also the title for a book written about Warren Buffet.  He started out as not a big deal and then worked his butt off to eventually become one of the most powerful men in the world (one the richest).

Like a snowball, most of you are starting you careers or experiences with small significance. By that I don’t mean what your doing has no value because obviously it does. What I mean is that you probably have little to no power right now and will continue to have no power for a while. To become the all mighty powerful snowball, you must go down the right path.

A small snowball which is placed on a steep hill will go down much faster and collect more snow and become much bigger a lot quicker than if it weren’t a steep hill. Basic laws of physics.  However, the faster the snowball goes down the hill, the harder it will be to control the snowball toward the end of the path thereby possibly being destructive.

If you get rich to quick or too fast, you might lose control and be headed down a path of utter disappointment. It’s interesting to see that many people who win the lotto end up going broke shortly after.  Everything happens so quickly that they almost instantly lose sight of how things work.  It’s always better to go down the not so steep hill of life so you can progressively:

  • Get rich slowly – learn amazing experiences that will help you to be better off for longer durations, compared to being rich quick, loosing quick, and then trying to be rich quick again.
  • Create powerful connections – powerful connections will be very useful in various stages of your life including times when you want to go to the next level.
  • Build creditability – Your creditably is important because it’s how the public or masses view you. Your credibility can also help take you to the next level or help you in time of crisis.

Would you agree the snowball effect theory being valid? Do you find yourself on a slope too steep?