Author Archives: AJ Kumar

How Mitt Romney Won His First Presidential Debate

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No matter what your political persuasion is, it’s hard to argue with the fact that Mitt Romney soundly defeated incumbent Barack Obama in the presidential candidates’ first debate meet-up on October 3rd, 2012.  In fact, according to a CNN/ORC International poll conducted immediately after the debate, “67% of debate watchers questioned said that Romney won.  One in four said Obama was victorious.”

That’s a pretty big margin for a candidate going up against a man known as one of the strongest orators of his generation!

Interestingly, Romney’s win can be largely attributed to his debate style.  His victory didn’t come as the result of a battle of wits (political organization ThinkProgress found that Romney told 27 myths in just 38 minutes) – and it certainly wasn’t the result of a detailed, well-articulated vision for advancing America (as nearly all political pundits agreed that Romney’s assertions and promises were pretty slim on actual substance).

Instead, Romney won by simply appearing more presidential than Obama – a fact that offers some interesting lessons for people who are trying to become more persuasive in their personal and professional lives.

Throughout the October 3rd debate, Romney aggressively attacked President Obama’s statements – even going so far as to interrupt moderator Jim Lehrer on several occasions in order to call for the time owed to his rebuttals.  While some viewers interpreted these behaviors as arrogant and condescending, most viewed Romney’s mannerisms as assertive and, well, presidential.

This came in sharp contrast to President Obama’s performance.  While Obama usually comports himself in a similarly eloquent, self-assured manner, his behaviors in this first debate were described by pundits as listless and lethargic.  Though some believe that Obama’s intention was to appear stately and dignified, the overall effect was of someone who’s been beaten down by the rigors of the country’s toughest job – certainly not as compelling a character as Romney presented.

So what conclusions, if any, can be drawn from the candidates’ performance and applied to our personal lives?  Here are three lessons that I believe should be addressed:

Lesson #1 – Style matters

Surprisingly, the winner of the October 5th presidential debate wasn’t determined based on the number of falsehoods claimed by either candidate, nor the visions for America’s future as presented by Obama or Romney.  In fact, Romney was hailed as the winner largely because of the style of his performance.

Where Obama was lackluster, Romney was fiery.  Where Obama’s body language signaled defeat, Romney’s showcased a man ready to take on a leadership role.  Again, it doesn’t matter which political party you support – either way, that’s some powerful stuff!

Keeping in mind the performance by both candidates in the debate, think about how your body language, tone and posture all contribute to the impression that people hold of you.  Whether you want to be perceived as authoritative, educated, free-spirited or competent, take these elements into consideration to ensure that your outward appearance matches your inner desires.

Lesson #2 – Perfect practice leads to perfect performance

Entering this first presidential debate, Romney did hold one significant advantage.  Throughout the rigorous Republican primary season, he participated in nearly 20 separate debates – all of which gave him the opportunity to hone his oratory skills and his ability to fire back when challenged.

Obama, of course, hasn’t had to participate in a debate since his first election in 2008 – and it showed!

From this, you should take away the importance of preparing for the challenging situations you expect to encounter in the future.  If, for example, you plan to ask for a raise in the future, which do you think will produce better results?  Approaching your boss to make your request without any prior planning, or taking the time to rehearse your pitch with several friends and family members before asking for the salary you deserve?

By building experience in these challenging situations, you’ll be better able to execute your ideas in a way that’s easily understood, without all the nervous habits that might otherwise betray your confidence.

Lesson #3 – Sound bites are valuable

Finally, keep in mind how powerful sound bites can be in the political sphere and attempt to capture this benefit in your own life.  To see how to do this, take a look at the following statement made by Mitt Romney in the first presidential debate:

“[M]y number-one principal is, there will be no tax cut that adds to the deficit. I want to underline that: no tax cut that adds to the deficit.”

This statement is so memorable and well-crafted that it’s virtually guaranteed to stick in the minds of debate viewers.  Whether or not it’s actually true doesn’t matter as much – the statement’s real value lies in how likely viewers are to retain the message.

The same principle can be applied to your own communications.  People love to listen to stories, and we respond well to short, powerful statements like those used by Romney in the recent debate.  While it can be tricky to do this well when speaking normally in everyday life, it’s worth practicing conveying your thoughts in simple, to-the-point messages that are likely to stick with your listeners and bring about the changes that you want.

Do you agree that Mitt Romney won the debate?  Share your viewpoint in the comments below, as well as any other lessons you feel can be drawn from the two candidates’ performance.  (Just be sure to keep it civil – this is a blog on becoming more persuasive, not a place for heated political discussion!)

Image: Austen Huffold

How to Become an Expert in Any Subject – Fast!

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These days, there are plenty of advantages to being seen as an expert in your industry.  If you’re pursuing a traditional career, your in-depth knowledge is likely to lead to promotions and raises due to your perceived value as a leader amongst your peers.  If you run a blog, authority figure status means more website traffic and more income from the products you sell, simply because you appear more exciting to prospective customers.

But fortunately, while the process of becoming an expert in any subject might seem overwhelming, the amount of information available for free on the internet makes it easier than ever to attain this recognition.  Don’t worry – you don’t need to go back to school for your PhD.  Instead, simply take the following steps in order to boost your own perceived authority:

Step #1 – Identify the authority bloggers in your subject

In order to position yourself as an authority figure in your industry, you first need to know what these experts look like.  What kind of subjects do they talk about?  How do they interact with their followers?  What resources do they recommend that you can take advantage of?

Depending on your familiarity with your industry, you may already know who the top bloggers in your niche are.  If not, use tools like Google’s Blog Search or the recommendations of your friends and colleagues to identify the current experts with the biggest, most robust web presences.

Step #2 – Read their most popular posts

Aim to find at least three authority figures that you can follow, and then take the time to read through at least 5-10 of the most popular posts on their websites (which are typically listed on the site’s sidebar).

As you read these posts, pay attention to both the specific topics covered in the articles and the “words of wisdom” shared by the authority figure.  If the site allows comments, read through these as well to gain additional insight into the opinions and concerns of other members of your niche.  Because you’ve taken the time to identify the most popular posts, written by the most popular people in your industry, you’re earning a great deal of insight into the subjects that matter most to your new audience.

Step #3 – Find the three most popular books on your subject using Amazon

Next up, head to Amazon and use the company’s lists of most popular books and recommendations from past purchasers to identify the most popular books on your desired topic.  As a general rule, these books will give you a greater level of industry oversight, compared to the shorter, more immediate concerns of individual blog posts.

Step #4 – Read them (or scan their tables of contents if you don’t have time)

If you have the time, purchase these books (or check them out from your local library) and read through them, taking notes along the way to highlight new ideas or topics that bear further research.

If, on the other hand, you don’t have time to read through three separate books, take the time to at least scan through the index of each book.  These pages are often published for free on Amazon or Google Books, and should give you a brief overview of the topics you’ll want to familiarize yourself with in order to be taken seriously as an expert on your chosen subject.

Step #5 – Ask and answer three questions that have come up in your reading

Finally, once you’ve finished the readings described above, go through and identify three specific items on which you need further clarification.  Maybe you’ve encountered a term that you didn’t immediately understand, or perhaps on blog post referenced a related topic you’d like more information on.  Whatever the case, write down these three questions and use the internet to find the answers you need.

Now, will this process make you a Nobel prize winning expert on any subject?  To be fair, no.  Perusing blogs and reading books on your chosen topic simply isn’t the same as studying for years upon years in order to deepen your knowledge in a specific field.

However, I’d also argue that in today’s digital world, that level of expertise isn’t always necessary.  In nine cases out of ten, attaining perceived expert status in any field simply involves keeping a step or two ahead of the people you hope to reach as an industry expert.  And given how many people make absolutely no effort to better themselves through the pursuit of knowledge, this isn’t that difficult!

So follow the process above, and repeat it from time to time.  Deepen your knowledge by pursuing other resources you encounter that interest you, and share your newfound insight with others in conversation or in digital communications.  Often, there’s no better way to improve your own mastery of a subject than to teach it to others, so get out there and start sharing your new wisdom.  You’ll quickly be on your way to expert status!

Mastering an Assertive Tone of Voice

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Though we don’t always like to admit it, appearances matter.  Whether that involves the clothes we’re wearing, how we hold ourselves or even the tone of our voices, the end result is the same.  If you aren’t able to project an impression of yourself that’s confident and collected, others won’t be able to see you in this way either!

So far, on this site, we’ve talked about how to create a personal style that conveys the impression you’d like to others, as well as how to master your body language to appear confident in any situation.  However, we haven’t yet talked about how to maintain control of your vocal tone – even though this element is just as important as any of these others when it comes to your overall appearance.

If you feel like your tone of voice sometimes betrays your anxiety, discomfort or anger, take a look at the following tips on how to master an assertive tone of voice:

Step #1 – Identify the situations in which your vocal tone seems “off”

Before you can start making improvements to the tone of your voice, you’ll want to start by identifying the situations in which you feel uncomfortable with your vocal delivery.

For example, a few situational prompts to consider include:

  • Do you feel comfortable with the way you communicate your needs in a business setting?
  • Do you share your thoughts and ideas in an assertive manner in team meetings?
  • Do your business colleagues respond positively to the ideas you present at work?
  • Would your coworkers describe you as timid, assertive or aggressive?
  • Are you able to tell your family members what you need from them to be comfortable?
  • Do the strangers you encounter in public (ie – in restaurants and at the bank) respond to your requests in the way you’d like?

If you aren’t getting the results you’d like out of these exchanges, it could be that your tone of voice is betraying your innate desire to be respected and taken seriously.  Think back to specific instances in your past when your words weren’t interpreted in the manner you intended and determine whether or not your tone of voice may have contributed to these misperceptions.

Really put some effort into remembering these scenarios.  Think about how you felt when you knew you were using the incorrect tone of voice to convey your thoughts and intentions, and imagine the look on your contacts’ faces as you made this mistake.  By making your recollections as vivid as possible, you’ll be better able to redirect future conversations to the assertive tone you desire.

Step #2 – Find your “pass the salt” voice

To understand what your assertive tone of voice sounds like, imagine yourself asking a dining companion to pass you the salt.  In this casual situation, you wouldn’t timidly whisper your request and you wouldn’t shout at your dinner mate to fulfill your request.  Instead, you’d ask simply and directly for the condiment you need in order to eat your meal.

That “pass the salt” voice is your assertive tone of voice, and it’s the one you should be using in all of the different situational prompts listed above.  Using an assertive tone in these situations will increase your odds of being perceived in an appropriate manner – as well as improving your odds of bringing about your desired result, due to increased clout give to you by others!

Step #3 – Envision yourself using this vocal tone in uncomfortable situations

Now that you know what your assertive tone of voice sounds like, run back through the situations you envisioned back in Step #1.  But this time – instead of remembering yourself using an inappropriate tone of voice – imagine yourself conveying the same information in an assertive tone.

Again, put some time into this step – no matter how strange it might feel.  By mentally rehearsing these interactions, you’ll be better prepared to use your “pass the salt” voice in real world situations.

Step #4 – Practice your assertive tone in the real world

Of course, all the visualizing in the world won’t solve your vocal problems if you aren’t willing to put your newly found assertive tone of voice to practice!

Don’t automatically assume that you’ll be able to run out and start speaking assertively in any situation.  Some people will be able to do this, but others – and quite frankly, I think most of us – will need a little bit of practice before we’re able to make the leap to using an authoritative tone in stressful or high-risk situations without reverting to our standard timid or aggressive tones.

So instead of jumping right in, practice using your “pass the salt” voice in low-risk situations first.  Speak clearly to shopkeepers, waiters, cashiers and other people with whom your interactions carry little weight.  Over time – and with regular practice – you’ll feel more confident using this assertive tone of voice in any situation you encounter.

Get What You Want by Getting to Know the Right People

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The phrase, “No man is an island,” certainly rings true when it comes to achieving your personal and professional goals.  No matter how motivated you are, there will always be others in the world that hold the information or connections needed to help you achieve your aims.

But instead of bemoaning how unfortunate it is that you weren’t born with all the skills needed to succeed, take control of your life by finding and building relationships with the people who can help you to get what you want out of life.

Here’s a simple step-by-step process to help you get what you want by getting to know the right people:

Step #1 – Identify your needs

Obviously, simply knowing that you need to improve the caliber of the people in your life in order to achieve your personal and professional aims isn’t enough to bring about these changes automatically.  In fact, it takes time to hone in on the right people who can help you get what you want and to build the necessary relationships with these acquaintances to create meaningful change in your life.

As a result, your first step must be to identify the specific needs in your life that others can help you achieve.  For comparison, consider that –while learning to cook meals at home might help you to live a healthier lifestyle – this task can largely be completed on your own.  On the other hand, if earning membership into an exclusive club or society would significantly increase your odds of landing a better job, putting your effort into building relationships with existing members could have a major impact on your life.

Above all, think about your priorities.  Of the specific needs you’ve identified that others can help you achieve, focus on building only 1-2 relationships at a time, beginning with those that will make the biggest difference in your personal or professional goals.

Step #2 – Identify the people who can help you meet these needs

Once you’ve decided which types of relationships to build first, you’ll need to narrow down your relationship targets to a few potential candidates.  Depending on how familiar you are with the resources in your community, this could be easy – or it may require a certain amount of research in order to determine who to approach.

However, as you build your lists, you’ll want to have a few options in mind.  Not everyone that you approach will have the time or inclination to support you in the way that you need – which is why it’s always a good idea to have a backup plan before moving on to Step #3!

Step #3 – Build your new relationships

Now that you’ve clarified the needs you have and identified the candidates who can best help you fulfill them, it’s time to start building your relationships!

There are a few things you’ll keep in mind when interacting with your new acquaintances:

  • Be clear about your intentions – If you’re attempting to build a relationship with someone in order to gain access to a separate group (as in the example above), don’t try to hide it.  While you don’t want your first impression to come across too strong, camouflaging your true intentions until you can “cash in” on the relationship will leave your new contact feeling used.
  • Give more than you get – The foundation of any good relationship is a certain amount of give-and-take.  If you’re expecting your new acquaintance to do something for you, you’d better be willing to turn around and offer something else of value to your contact.  It doesn’t need to be an “exact match,” tit-for-tat type of exchange, but it is important to be sure that both parties benefit from your arrangement.
  • Respect your contact’s time – These days, we’re all busy.  So if someone goes out of his way to help you get something that you want, be thankful for the sacrifice he’s making.  At the very least, try to avoid being too pushy about achieving your aims.  By respecting your contact’s time, you’ll keep the relationship going strong – leading to potentially greater benefits down the road.

In general, approach building relationships with the people who can help you achieve your goals as you’d pursue a new mentor or friend.  Be yourself, and focus on being the type of friend or mentor you’d like to have.  In time, your efforts will pay off in the form of relationships that help you to obtain the information or connections you need to reach your goals.

Step #4 – Focus on consistently improving your network

They say that surrounding yourself with people who can help you achieve your goals is one of the fastest ways to become truly successful, so don’t just look for people who can help you to meet a single, specific need.  Try to surround yourself with people who empower you and help you to make the most out of each day.

By constantly improving the value of your network – whether that includes seeking out a more supportive partner, more goal-oriented friends or stronger mentor-mentee relationships – you’ll make a significant difference in the quality of your life.

How to Tell if Somebody is Lying

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Ah, if only the world was full of people whose noses extended out like Pinocchio’s every time they uttered a falsehood…

The truth is that being able to detect when somebody is lying is a vital part of being successful in both your business and professional lives.  It might not seem like a big deal – after all, everybody fibs or tells little white lies from time to time – but just think about how much of our world is based on the implicit trust that each party in a discussion is telling the truth.

You work extra hard on an assignment under the implicit promise of a future promotion – even though your boss knows the money just isn’t there to reward top performers.  Or maybe you purchase a great looking car off of Craigslist on the previous owner’s assertion that it runs great – even though he’s hiding the thousand dollars of transmission work that’s going to come due shortly.

Heck, just think about the thousands of people swindled by Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff to see just how devastating lies – when believed incorrectly – can become!

In order to protect yourself from less-than-truthful people, keep an eye out for any of the following signals that may indicate you’re being told a lie:

Tip-off #1 – Avoidance of eye contact

One dead giveaway that a person is lying to you is his inability to make and hold eye contact with you.  In many cases, you’ll find that liars are able to make eye contact throughout the parts of your conversation that are factually correct – but that their gaze immediately diverts away from you whenever falsehoods are uttered.

Obviously, a failure to maintain eye contact isn’t conclusive evidence of lying – after all, there are plenty of awkward, uncomfortable people in the world as well.  For this reason, it’s important to also look for the following clues in order to corroborate suspicions of lying.

Tip-off #2 – Extra fidgeting

Similarly, if you notice that someone you’re speaking to is fidgeting excessively, you could be seeing the physical manifestation of the person’s discomfort at telling a lie.

Tell-tale clues to look for here include:

  • Shifting from side to side while seated
  • Moving weight from foot to foot while standing
  • Fiddling with the fingers
  • Twiddling or twirling small objects in the fingers

Again, this sign isn’t conclusive – as you could simply dealing with a naturally fidgety or nervous person – but if you notice these behaviors in conjunction with other signs of discomfort, you could be dealing with a liar.

Tip-off #3 – Evidence of distress

Beyond the avoidance of eye contact and an increase in fidgety behaviors, the human body has a number of other ways to telegraph the distress that may be present when a lie is being committed.  For example, in many cases, the pupils dilate during periods of intense stress – making this physical change on possible indication that a person is lying.

Other physiological signs you may encounter include:

  • Flared nostrils
  • Sweating
  • Goosebumps
  • Tensed shoulders
  • Rigid body language

Of course, these signs can result from any type of stress, not just lying (in fact, dilated pupils are connected to arousal levels as well) – so proceed with caution.  Use these clues together as evidence that somebody might be lying to you – not that it’s happening for sure.

Tip-off #4 – A lack of details (or excessive details, provided without prompting)

In addition to observing how people act around you, listen to the words that they’re saying.  Many people telegraph their discomfort through changes in their normal speech patterns, though you’ll need to pay close attention in order to pick up on these modifications.

Two speech pattern changes that are associated with lying include vague descriptions or an overabundance of details.  In the first instance, be wary of anybody who refuses to fill in blanks in a conversation or who has trouble recalling details when questioned directly.  If you suspect a lie, ask direct questions to determine whether the person has truly forgotten this information, or if he’s attempting to avoid providing details on purpose.

At the same time, keep your ears provided for extraneous details that appear to be presented without reason.  If a person is quick to provide more information than you’ve asked for, it could be because he’s attempting to keep his story straight from the get-go.

Tip-off #5 – The phrase, “I’m being honest!”

Finally, one tell-tale tip-off phrase to listen for is, “I’m being honest” (or any variation on this theme).  Most of us go around assuming that we’ll be taken seriously and that the information we share will be accepted without question.  It’s only when we attempt to pass on falsehoods that we doubt this usually-automatic approval – causing liars to subconsciously hone in on concerns that they’ll be discovered.

Above all, trust your gut instinct.  If you have any reason to suspect that a person is lying to you – based on these clues or on any others that you identify – play it safe and don’t make any rash decisions until you’re able to sort out fact from fiction.

7 Motivational Tools That Will Keep You on Track

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Every now and then, all of us need a little extra push to maintain motivation and keep making progress towards our goals.  No matter how driven you are or how important your goal is to you, there are going to be days that drag and days that feel like you’re never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Instead of letting these downtimes get to you, check out any of the following motivational tools to help keep you on track:

Tool #1 – LifeTick

LifeTick is one of the most fully-featured goal tracking programs on the market today.  Upon signing up for the program, you’ll start by identifying your key values and then creating SMART goals that align with your overall priorities.  The paid version of the program (which costs just $20/year, compared to the more limited free version) includes advanced features like status widgets, charts, reports and mobile access – all of which help to keep your primary objectives at the front of your mind.

Tool #2 – Joe’s Goals

Joe’s Goals is a simpler goal tracking alternative, which is based on the “Don’t Break the Chain” behavioral change method.  Essentially, you use the program to monitor daily habits – adding a smiley face to every day you successfully meet your goals.  Over time, you’ll build up a chain of smiley faces, motivating you to continue moving forward with your habit goals in order to avoid breaking the long chain you’ve created.

Though Joe’s Goals doesn’t offer as many features as programs like LifeTick, it’s free to use and provides a simple, easy-to-use alternative to more advanced tools.

Tool #3 – LifeTango

If you know that you want to make improvements to your life, but you aren’t quite sure where to start, LifeTango may be for you.  The program offers an innovative brainstorming area with prompts that encourage you to think of ways that your finances, family life, health, fitness or education could be improved.  You can also peruse goals set by others using the service to gain inspiration for your own personal improvement plan.

Once you’ve decided which specific goals to work on, you can create a free LifeTango account, which will allow you to communicate with others on the site via your personal profile, track your progress towards your goals and even start your own goal-setting blog.

Tool #4 – 43Things

43Things offers similar functionality as LifeTango, but boasts a much larger community of fellow goal-setters.  Sign up is easy, and the program makes viewing the goals set by others a breeze.

Unfortunately, this program doesn’t offer much in the way of goal break-downs or ongoing habit tracking – all “things” tracked by the program are either marked as in-progress or done.  However, where the program shines is the “How I Did It” section, which encourages users who have marked goals as completed to share more about what made their efforts successful.  Reading through this helpful advice can be incredibly motivating and offer unique insight into the way other people have met the goals you’re currently working on.

Tool #5 – StickK

StickK offers a fresh take on goal-setting by allowing users to bet money on whether or not they’ll reach their stated aims.  To use the program, visitors start by stating their goals, as well as how progress towards these eventual aims will be measured.  Once their goals are set, users can choose to add “stakes” to their goals which will charge their credit cards (or worse, send the money to an “anti-charity”) should they fail to meet their goals.

If you’re having trouble sticking to your goals, putting money on the line that will go to a charity that you dislike may significantly increase the odds that you’ll follow through!

Tool #6 – Aspire Goals

If you’re more of a “goal tracking on the go” type of person, the Aspire Goals app may be right for you.  Available for just a few dollars in the Apple app store, Aspire Goals allows you to create mini movies that will motivate you to achieve your stated aims.

To do this, you’ll start by adding your desired goals to the list and then adding motivating statements, “moving towards/away from” images and music to the setup area.  Once you’ve added all of these elements, clicking the “Goal Visualizer” button will allow you to view customized, motivating movies whenever you feel like breaking your commitments to yourself.

Tool #7 – GoalTracker  

Finally, if you’re on the Android network, you’ll want to take a look at the GoalTracker app.  It’s a free program that will allow you to perform many of the same functions as the online LifeTick program described above.

Although the program isn’t as visually intuitive as it could be, you’ll likely still find the advanced brainstorming and tracking features to be worthwhile tools when it comes to setting and meeting your life’s goals.

 

Turning Your Failures into Learning Opportunities

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret here…  I, AJ Kumar – the fearless leader you’ve all come to know and trust – have failed in business.  In fact, I’ve failed so often that I sometimes cringe when I think about some of the opportunities I had and blew (if you want to hear some of the dirty details, check out my recent Mixergy interview).

But as frustrating as those challenges were, I also know that I wouldn’t have been able to get where I am today if I hadn’t failed along the way.  In many ways, the failures I’ve had have been just as important as my successes – even if they were a lot less fun to deal with.

The secret to coping with your failures isn’t to avoid them at all costs (especially since this is pretty much impossible!).  Instead, what you need to do is to learn how to turn these letdowns into lessons.  That way, you haven’t really failed at all – you’ve actually succeeded at learning something new.

With that in mind, here’s the four-step process I use to turn my failures into learning opportunities:

Step #1 – Give yourself a grieving period

Failing sucks.  It’s miserable to know that your once-brilliant sounding idea isn’t going to turn into the tremendous success you envisioned – especially if you had tons of time or money invested in your plan.

But instead of trying to sweep this disappointment under the rug in order to move forward as quickly as possible, give yourself some time to come to terms with your failure.  Take a few days to eat ice cream by the pint, watch trashy movies, get drunk, cry or do whatever else you need to do to accept that your failure happened.

Just be sure to put a time limit on things.  Wallowing for a small amount of time can be a helpful coping mechanism, but wallowing forever only traps you within the failure.  As soon as you can start thinking about your mistakes without becoming overly emotional, put your sadness aside and move forward with the next steps in the process.

Step #2 – Identify failure points

Now that you’re able to look at your failure in a more rational way, try to identify exactly what went wrong.  For example:

  • Did you miss critical market information that would have indicated your product or service wasn’t a good fit for your target customers?
  • Was your offering priced too high for your market?
  • Were you unable to differentiate yourself effectively from your competitors?

Don’t pussy-foot around the fact that you might have been the problem as well.  If you didn’t have the education or skill set needed to make your idea successful, don’t beat yourself up about it.  Recognize the role that you played in the failure instead of placing blame inappropriately on external factors.

Step #3 – See what’s worth salvaging

After identifying the failure points that led to your idea’s downfall, go back through the process with a fresh set of eyes to see if there’s anything worth salvaging from your mistakes.  You might be surprised at some of the unexpected opportunities that this will turn up.

As an example, if your product wasn’t a good fit for your target market, are there economical ways that you could retool it in order to compensate for its perceived flaws?  Are there any additional features or services you could have added to offer a clearer value proposition to prospective customers?

Or, if it turns out that your own shortcomings led to your business failure, can you remedy these things?  If, for example, you pursued the necessary education or brought on a partner who could compensate for your weaknesses, might you have a more viable business plan?

Unfortunately, some failures won’t have anything that’s worth salvaging.  That’s okay too.  However, you must go through this process in order to eliminate all doubt – otherwise, you’ll always regret what “could have been” if you’d simply persevered with an idea that failed initially.

Step #4 – Let it go and move forward

Once you’ve completed this process, you should have a good idea of why your project failed, what specific factors contributed to its collapse and whether or not it’s worth pursuing future action.  This process gives you a clear jumping off point to either improve your idea or start a new project – so take it!

The people who truly fail are the ones who fail to let go of their failures.  I’m not saying it’s easy, but really, the last thing you want to be is that old guy at the gym who claims he “could have been someone” if he’d just followed through on his vision.  Wrap up failures in a way that works for you, but then take what you’ve learned and move forward.  Eventually, you’ll find success.

Can You Change Your Mood?

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Ever heard somebody utter the phrase, “Somebody must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed!” in your general direction?  Not only is it hugely irritating to be reminded that you aren’t feeling bright and cheery – the statement itself seems to imply that your mood is set and that nothing can change it.

I disagree.  Personally, I think that our minds are a reflection of the thoughts we choose to dwell on – which makes it entirely possible to change a bad mood to a good one if you find yourself battling a sometimes-grouchy demeanor.

The following are a few of the different techniques I’ve either used or heard about that can be used to reset your mood to a happier state:

  • Aim for gratitude

Often times, I find that my bad moods stem from feeling deficient in some area.  Maybe I wish that my business was further ahead, that I was wealthier or that I was in better shape.  Even if these thoughts are unfounded, they can really get me down!

In these cases, taking the time to be grateful for the things I am fortunate to have puts me in a better mood every time.  To really put things in perspective, I’ll try to take some action that solidifies this gratitude – whether that’s making a list of things I’m thankful for, writing a thank you note to someone who’s helped me or some other task that helps me feel better about where I’m at now.

  • Put on your favorite song

We all have songs that make us feel happier overall (plus songs that get us down – avoid these at all costs!).  Blasting these “feel good” tunes can make a big difference in lightening your mood.

  • Get some “touch time”

Believe me – I’m not trying to be dirty here.  In fact, studies have demonstrated that engaging in touch – whether that’s getting a massage, petting a dog or simply holding hands with your spouse – helps to lower blood pressure, improve the stress response and improve your overall mood.

  • Do something you love

If your bad mood is preventing you from getting your work done, take a break and do something you love.  If you love playing video games, take a 15-minute break away from whatever’s stressing you out to shoot some zombies.  If you play a musical instrument, a 10-minute jam session might be all you need to help you turn your mood around and get back to business.

  • Do something healthy

It’s no secret that exercise raises endorphin levels, which improve your mood and make you feel better overall.  Really, I’ve found that very few things turn my bad days into good days than a hard gym workout.  If you’re feeling down or angry, a long run, a kickboxing class or a weight lifting session might be all you need to start feeling better.

  • Try a new food

Sometimes changing things up with one sensory system – in this case, experimenting with new tastes – is enough to promote adjustments in other bodily systems.  And really, if you go out of your way to make sure the new food is one that you’ll enjoy, why wouldn’t you be in an instantly better mood?!

  • Sniff a lemon

Okay, I can’t personally say that I’ve tried this one, but I’ve seen it recommended in a few different places.  Basically, the idea is that the fresh, citrus scent promotes a positive mood – but I’ll leave it up to you if you want to try this one…

  • Stare at something blue

The idea that different colors promote different emotional responses is pretty well-established and, in this case, blue is important because it’s the color of relaxation.  Really, this is why therapists often recommend that patients stare at the sky in the hopes that its blue color will provide a calming effect.

To achieve these benefits for yourself, try putting on a blue shirt, sitting in a blue room or tucking yourself under a blue blanket.  Not only will you be warm and cozy, you’ll find yourself in a better mood as well!

  • Volunteer

This one goes along with the ‘expressing gratitude’ idea listed above, but really, if you want to put it into perspective exactly how lucky you are, spend some time volunteering.  The process of helping other people in the world to benefit their situations can be a huge mood booster, while also providing valuable services to the less fortunate in your area.

  • Put a smile on your face

Finally, if you’re feeling down, try plastering a smile on your face – no matter how awful you feel!  You’ll think that you look silly at first, but eventually, you’ll find that your mood begins to turn around and your interactions with others around you improve.

What do you do when you’re feeling down?  Share your best mood changing techniques in the comments section below!

How to Answer Difficult Interview Questions

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Under even the best of circumstances, interviewing for a new job is one of the most nerve-wracking experiences ever.  If you’ve been out of work for any amount of time or are anxious to escape a bad employment situation, these competitive processes can cause even more anxiety.

For this reason, it’s important to prepare for the toughest interview questions you’ll encounter.  While being prepared won’t help to soothe your nerves entirely, it will make it easier to make a good impression and respond to your interviewer in a calm, professional way.

Here’s how to handle some of the most common difficult interview questions as effectively as possible:

Question #1 – What are your biggest strengths?

This common question, asking you to describe the specific skills you would bring to the organization, is likely one of the first queries you’ll encounter in any job interview.  But although it might sound straightforward, it’s actually more difficult to answer well than you might imagine!

There are two things to keep in mind here:

  1. Keep your answer experience-oriented.  Most human resources professionals believe that past performance is the best indicator of future success, so don’t just say that you have a certain skill – give examples that prove it.
  2. Relate your answers to the organization’s needs.  Having a stock set of strength-based responses won’t do you much good if they don’t match up with what the company is looking for.  Do the necessary research before your interview to find out what challenges the company is facing and then tailor your strengths to suit these needs.

Question #2 – What are your biggest weaknesses?

Once you’ve successfully answered the “biggest strengths” question, you’ll likely be hit with its corollary – describing your biggest weaknesses.

Now, let me be clear…  The absolute worst thing you can do here is to pseudo-brag about how you “just work too darn hard” or are “just too detail oriented.”  That’s a load of bullshit – you know it, and most HR professionals know it as well.

A far better approach is to focus on skills you haven’t yet had a chance to develop.  For example, if you know that the position you’re interviewing for will include presentations or public speaking roles, you could say something like, “I haven’t had as much opportunity as I would have liked to develop my public speaking goals, but I’m excited about the chance to push myself to learn these new skills at your company.”

Question #3 – Why did you leave your last job?

Handling this common interview question can be tricky, considering that many of us have left jobs due to incompetent bosses, inept coworkers and a host of other reasons unrelated to our performance.

But bring these complaints up in your interview (whether or not they’re valid), and you’ll be immediately branded a whiner.  Instead of focusing in on your credentials and merits, your interviewer is now wondering whether or not you’ll make the same complaints about his organization after you leave!

To answer this question appropriately, put the onus of your decision to leave your most recent job entirely on yourself.  Even if it isn’t entirely accurate, it’s a far better approach to claim that your decision to leave was due to your desire to “expand your knowledge base” or “develop new skill sets” than to put the blame on your previous employer.

Question #4 – What are your salary expectations?

Be warned – discussing salary expectations during the interview process benefits your interviewer, not you!

As a general rule, the best time to negotiate salary is once a job offer has been made, demonstrating that the company wants to have you on the team.  This gives you significantly more leverage to negotiate higher rates than if you throw out a random number to an HR lackey who’s only trying to filter out candidates based on their salary expectations.

Since your best bet here is to stall, consider any of the following lines to delay discussing salary until you’re in a better position:

  • “I’m flexible in terms of salary, but would rather discuss it later on in terms of total compensation.”
  • “I’m open to discussing salary in the future, but would like to learn more about what the job entails before determining what the appropriate compensation would be.”
  • “Do you have a salary range in mind for this position?  If so, is that range flexible based on employee experience?”

Question #5 – How many ping pong balls can you fit into a 747 airplane?

Finally, keep your ears open for oddball questions like this one, which was made famous by Google’s HR team in the 1990s.

The purpose of questions like these isn’t to determine what specific factoids you’ve memorized – it’s to see how you think on your feet.  If you’re hit with one during your interview, take a second to think and then talk your interviewer through the process you’d use to come up with an answer.  Even if you can’t provide a final value, you’ll demonstrate your ability to think clearly and flexibly while challenged – a major asset to any organization.

Of course, as the job market becomes even more competitive, interview questions will naturally become more challenging.  If you’ve got a great story of a tough interview question you faced and how you handled it (whether good or bad), share it in the comments section below!

The Anatomy of a Persuasive Offer

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If you’re a professional salesperson, it’s in your best interests to become more persuasive.  The better able you are to convince people to take action based on your offerings, the more successful you’ll be financially.

However, developing the ability to craft and deliver a persuasive offer shouldn’t just be a priority for salespeople.  All of us will have to negotiate with others at some point in our lives – whether that occurs as part of a salary adjustment request, a car purchase decision or even smaller scale exchange in which both parties have the potential to benefit.

To learn how to handle these negotiations appropriately, it’s important that you learn how to develop a compelling offer that will persuade your contacts to close the deal with you.  Here’s how to do it:

A persuasive offer focuses on benefits

Features refer to a product or service’s characteristics, while benefits encompasses how these features will improve the user’s life.  As an example, if you were in the market for a new TV, a feature might be one model’s higher resolution, while the benefit of this feature is a clearer, more enjoyable viewing experience.

In general, when crafting your persuasive offer, be aware that people tend to respond more strongly to benefits than features.  Whenever possible, frame the effects of your proposal not in terms of “what” you’re offering, but by how your offering will improve your negotiating partner’s life in some measurable way.

A persuasive offer is delivered confidently

Of course, knowing the benefits that your offer provides isn’t enough.  If you want your negotiating partner to respond well to your stated benefits, you’ve got to deliver them in a way that he or she can get behind!

For this reason, it’s important to practice delivering your offers confidently before deploying them in the real world.  Try to put some excitement and a sense of reassurance into your voice, and make sure that your hands or body language aren’t betraying you with nervous ticks.  Controlling your physical and vocal nervousness will help to make your offer seem much more persuasive overall.

A persuasive offer is limited

When crafting your offer, keep the concept of “limited time only” in mind.  The most persuasive offers are those that come with some limitations – whether those limitations exist in terms of quantity or time available.  After all, do you really think people would sign up for time shares or “exclusive” membership programs if they weren’t so afraid of missing out on a good deal?!

If your negotiating situation doesn’t inherently include some type of limitation, find a way to introduce this concept.  As an example, if you’re negotiating for a new car purchase, make it clear to the salesperson that you intend to make a firm decision within a day or two.  Creating this narrow window provides an additional incentive for the salesperson to work with you, lest he lose out on your business entirely.

A persuasive offer avoids extra choices

Next up, when creating a persuasive offer, be aware that offering too many choices can confuse negotiating partners – making it less likely that you’ll reach a satisfactory conclusion.

It can be tempting to think that, by padding your offer with multiple options, you’ll be more likely to close one deal – even if it’s not based around the particular option you want most.  If you’re negotiating a job offer with a new company, for instance, you might decide to request a higher salary, or more vacation hours, or a larger sign-on bonus.

However, by failing to focus on a single priority, your offer becomes disjointed – and, therefore, less persuasive.  To combat the indecision that may occur within your negotiating partners, select a single priority and make it the basis of your entire offer instead.

A persuasive offer highlights your prospect’s pain points

Finally, when developing your offer, think about your prospect’s “pain points” – the specific things he’d like to avoid.  As humans, we tend to be more motivated by avoiding pain than by seeking rewards, so it’s a good idea to spend the time necessary to understand what exactly your negotiating partner stands to lose by not following through with your offer.

As an example, if you’re negotiating to buy a house that’s been on the market for a while, keep in mind that the seller is likely sick to death of preparing for frequent showings that never end on a positive note.  By offering a quick escrow period and a fast close, you may be able to get the seller to accept a lower offer in exchange for the resolution he’s been seeking for so long.

Obviously, the process of crafting and delivering a persuasive offer takes time to master.  However, by practicing frequently and incorporating the above elements into your proposals, you’ll soon be on your way to better resolutions for all your future negotiations.