In today’s ultra-connected society, getting a date just isn’t as easy as it used to be!  Pick up lines are overplayed, while the constant stream of information provided by popular dating websites makes screening potential partners easier than ever.

So if you’re struggling to find love in this frustrating situation, consider the following NLP techniques:

Technique #1 – Anchor Yourself

If you’ve ever built yourself up as “Rico Suave” in your mind, and then crashed and burned when it came to approaching a real-life dating prospect, you know how easy it can be to feel confident in your mind and have your actions betray you in person.

To remedy this situation, we can use an NLP technique called “anchoring.”  Essential, an  anchor allows us to call up a specific mental state or set of physiological processes at a moment’s notice, through the use of an anchoring behavior.

For example, suppose you want to be able to instantly call up the feelings of confidence and assertiveness needed to get a date in today’s crowded singles scene.  By creating an anchor that’s triggered by a specific action – say, pinching your left palm – you’ll be able to activate these powerful emotions on-the-spot, making your pick up attempts more likely to succeed.

To create an anchor, you must first identify memories or past experiences in which you felt the way you’d like to be able to recall on a moment’s notice.  For best results, these memories should be as powerful as possible.  Take some time to simply re-live and experience these sensations, allowing them to fill you up with the chosen sensations you’re trying to anchor.

Then, at the peak of your experience, fire the physical signal you plan to use as your anchoring behavior.  If, following our example, you’ve chosen to use a quick pinch to your left palm, repeat this action several times before ending your recall.

Repeat this process over a few days to enhance the connection between your desired mental state and your anchoring behavior.  Once you feel the association is strong in your mind, trying firing the anchor in a neutral situation by engaging in your anchor behavior when you aren’t actively recalling your chosen memory.  Ideally, if you’ve set up your anchor correctly, you should be able to call up your desired sensations quickly and easily – even in the stressful situation of approaching a potential date.

Technique #2 – Positive Anchors

In addition to creating your own anchors to improve confidence and assertiveness on the dating scene, you can also implant subtle anchors in the singles you encounter.

The key to doing so effectively lies in recognizing that all of our interactions with another person contribute to the mental image of us that this person retains.  For example, if you approach a potential date and consistently complain about your job, how hard it is to get a date or other problematic aspects of your life, you’re creating a negative anchor in your partner’s mind that associates you with complaining and  poor outlook.

Instead, for maximum success on the dating scene, we want to create anchors that associate us with good things, increasing the likelihood that our potential partners will be interested enough to move forward with the relationship.

To do so, try to control the conversation in a way that makes you appear charming, charismatic, intelligent, funny or any other positive characteristic you want to be associated with.  You can achieve this by sharing stories, talking about your interests or even asking questions about what makes your target date happy.  If you feel a complaint or negative statement coming on, excuse yourself until you can regroup to a more positive mental state to avoid decreasing the potency of your anchor.

Obviously, the anchors you encourage in other people won’t be nearly as strong as the ones you create for yourself.  However, by creating positive associations to you in the mind of the person you’re trying to pick up, you’ll increase the chances of getting a date by simply implanting the suggestion that you’re a good person to be with.

Technique #3 – Embedded Commands

Finally, there are embedded commands – one of the most commonly referenced “seduction techniques” in NLP.  When using embedded commands, you implant an instruction within a more innocuous question or statement so that it can slip – undetected – into your potential date’s mind.

As an example, you could embed the command, “We should be together,” inside the seemingly harmless sentence, “Isn’t it funny that we should be together like this,” after running into an acquaintance you’re trying to connect with.

Be aware, though, that using embedded commands in a dating situation requires a serious level of proficiency that novice NLP practitioners may not have grasped.  Not only do poorly-executed embedded commands blur the line between acceptable usage and intrusive pseudo-hypnosis, they can also come off as downright cheesy when used improperly.

So if you do decide to make use of this persuasion technique in the dating world, practice in advance to maximize your chances of a successful outcome.

Image: Alex E. Proimos